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The Journey, Warrior


Active Member
So, this is a story I've been writing on and off for over 10 years. What I'm going to share is the edited version of the prologue, a brief history of the beginning of the main character's life, and how he got amnesia which therefore led to him going on a journey of discovery in the hopes of finding out who he is. The names of some of the characters aren't 'set in stone' yet but for they are the names I will use. You are welcome to tell me your opinions and give me constructive criticism but please let's keep it polite. The prologue is roughly 4 and a half pages long.

The Journey, Warrior.


Breathing heavily and sweating profoundly a dark-haired lady walked as quick as labor pains would allow her. She stopped every few moments clenching her fists hard, her nails digging into her palm trying to stop herself from screaming.

Iron hobbed boots clacked menacingly on the cobbled streets. “No, please don’t find me, please don’t,” She pleaded to herself between contractions. She rushed as quickly as she could down a dark alley. Across the street, she saw the lights on in the Inn. She knew the owners of the Inn would help her if Vivi could trust them then so could she.

In the doorway of an Inn, she collapsed, “GET MASTER VIVI!” She screamed breathing harshly. The Innkeeper's wife moved forward slowly and carefully bent down to help the Lady into the Inn and away from the doorway. She hissed, “You are NOT Master Vivi!”

“No, my Lady I am not, but you can’t stay in the doorway, won’t do you any good, or your babies.”

The Innkeeper's wife gently pulled the Lady's arm, others rushed forward to help.

The noise of clacking horse hooves was heard coming towards the Inn, a tall man jumped from his horse and walked straight in..

“My Lady,” He bowed. “You are early.” He put the back of his hand on the Lady’s forehead. “I need towels, NOW. Oh, as of now this Inn is closed. Everyone MUST leave!”

There were muttering and disagreements. The man grew angry, a huge draft swept through the room, candles were blown out, and the man’s shadow grew menacingly taller. “YOU WILL GET OUT NOW!”

Everyone jumped up scared for the lives and rushed out of the door.

“Calm down Master Vivi, I’m so glad you are here.”

Vivi quickly calmed. “Fajro.” He muttered flicking his fingers in the direction of the candles, they sprang back to life.

The Innkeeper's wife returned with towels and a bowl full of water. Master Vivi pulled the Ladies skirt up slightly and reached under with his hand. “You are not yet fully dilated.”

The Lady leaned forward cupping Vivi’s face in her hands. “I am dying, you know what you need to do. I cannot survive this birth, you of all people know that. Say not a word, just do it.”

“But, my Lady:-“ Vivi stammered.

“No buts!” She replied.

Vivi sighed taking in a deep breath. “I need a sharp sterilized knife, as quick as possible. I need thread and a needle… Move now, don’t dawdle!” The Innkeeper and his wife rushed about doing what was asked.

Vivi looked around. “Your leather belt, hand it over, please.” The Innkeeper handed it to him. Vivi handed it to the Lady. “Bite down on this my Lady.” He looked to the Innkeeper's wife, “Support her head on your lap, and hold her head as still as you can.” He looked to the Innkeeper, “I need you to hold her arms firm to the ground.”

Vivi took the sharp knife, breathing deeply. He cut through her skin just under the belly, once the incision was done he reached in to find the baby's feet, he delicately cut through the bag of waters and pulled the baby out. The baby started to cry as he was pulled from his mother’s womb, Vivi wrapped him in towels and handed the baby over to the Innkeeper's wife. He then bent down with thread and needle, muttering several incantations, he stemmed the flow of blood, and started the muscles on their healing process, stitched the incision.

“My Lady you have given birth to a healthy boy.” The Innkeeper's wife handed the baby to its mother.

“Oh, Vivi he is so beautiful!” The baby boy opened his eyes and looked at his mother. His eyes flashed purple and went to a piercing green colour.

With the thought of her beautiful baby son in her mind. With tears rolling down her cheeks she grabbed Vivi’s hand and pulling him closer, “I name him…” She whispered a name and then fell asleep, never to wake up again.

Vivi pulled out parchment and ink from under his robes. He scribbled a note on it and handed it over to the Innkeeper, “Take it to the King's quarters at once, tell them I sent you.”

The Innkeeper nodded and ran through the doors into the morning light.

Not long after the King's cavalry arrived, the King stormed into the Inn slamming the door hard against the wall. Vivi stood up and bowed. The King stood tall, the tallest human known to man in this land, He had black hair showing signs of greying. His hazel eyes transfixed on the covers covering his sister. His light tanned skin washed over, going pale as he knelt down to pull the covers from his sister's face. Staring down at her lifeless form, standing he grabbed Vivi by the throat pinning him to a wall.

“What happened to my sister?” He snarled.

“Your sister was pregnant my Lord, she could not deliver naturally. I did the best I could my Lord.”

The king let go of Vivi dropping him to the floor. “What happened to the baby?”

“A boy my Lord, he is healthy and strong. Your sister named him;-”

“I DO NOT CARE FOR HIS NAME, KILL HIM!” The king turned to walk out, he whipped open the door and stopped in the threshold. “And burn my sister's body!” He spat at the ground, then mounted his chariot and disappeared.

“Barbara, do not kill the boy. Take him to my room and watch over him.”

The Innkeeper’s wife nodded. “Joseph we are going to bury her next to the blossom tree in your garden, Her grave must stay unmarked. Help me carry her.” Joseph walked forwards and picked up the King’s sister.

Vivi and Joseph buried her. They both felt there was no need to rush.

The next morning, Vivi packed light provisions, he made a makeshift sling on his shoulder to carry the baby. He mounted his white stallion and raced out of the capital without looking back.

The journey to the village where Vivi lived was a long one. The child had grown in the two years it had taken.

“This child will be your home until you decide otherwise.”

“Home!” Squealed the boy pointing.

Over the next few years, the child grew quick and strong. Vivi taught him how to farm and harvest. He started to teach him the laws of magick, the child excelled in learning. He exceeded all of Vivi’s expectations.

One morning Vivi woke up to find the boy’s bed empty. Panicking he searched everywhere all around the village. Until he heard cheering at the top of a small hill. He swiftly ran up the hill to find the child sparring with an array of wooden training weapons. So graceful and elegant. every turn, every swing, every parry, every slash as smooth as the next, it was like a beautiful dance.

“You can master the elements with your mind, although you must always remember to say what element you want!” Vivi explained. He upturned his palm “Fajro” A ball of fire appeared. “You see now this fireball.” Vivi moved his hand round in a circle, the fireball followed. Vivi threw the fireball in the air and caught it with his other hand. He changed it into a triangle, then a square.

“If you have the right mindset this fireball can be anything you want it to be. Now you try.”

“Fajro.” A small flame of fire appeared in the now teenager's palm. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t make it form anything else other than a flame.

“Your mind is not clear child. What’s the matter?”

“My mother, who is she? Where is she?”

“Your mother was a wonderful, and beautiful person. Her kindness and elegance was well known and well-loved. I am sorry to say she passed away after giving birth to you.”

It was the morning of the boy’s 17th. The day he became acknowledged as a man. A celebration was being prepared in the village. Vivi was up cooking breakfast. When the boy walked into the kitchen. “Master Vivi come, please. I have something to show you.” Vivi followed him into the garden.

“Watch this Master.” The boy rubbed his hands together, “Fajro!” He said out loud. A ball of fire appeared on his right palm. With his left hand raised, he threw the fireball from right to left. The ball-shaped into a square, then a triangle, then the fireball started to contort, it turned into a small canoe. Again the fire started to contort, it got bigger and bigger, and even bigger still until it formed into a full-sized horse.

Vivi stood there amazed, three years the child had been practicing, and he had mastered elemental contortion already, it had taken Vivi a lot longer.

“Bravo mine child! Magnificent!” He clapped. “Well done, your mother would be proud.”

The teen beamed with happiness. He knew this was great praise.

In the shadows behind a tent a strange figure stood straight, shoulders back, legs firm and slightly apart, it’s arms outstretched pointing in the direction of the child. The whites of the eyes showing as it muttered something strange and foreign.

The teen felt a sudden pain, grabbing his chest, he groaned in agony. He fell to his knees, his eyes rolled over and he passed out.

Vivi rushed forward panicking realizing this wasn’t the usual prank that was played on him. He said several incantations to try to find out what was ailing the boy but to no avail. Vivi called for help and carried him to his bed.

On the morning of the third month, the boy who had been in a coma was no longer there. During the night the boy had woken with no memory of who or where he was, panicking he got up and fled into the night.

Uncle42 Thick

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Chat Pro User
An excellent prologue Billy, the story is set in times of yore which picks ones interest. The incantations n the mystery that surrounds the kings sister.. Will make one read n read to find out who she really is.


Active Member
From here on nothing has been edited, I am not hugely confident with what I've written here but I am somewhat happy with it. As I said for the prologue, you are welcome to comment and give constructive criticism but please be polite. If you find something confusing or aren't sure how to pronounce names or places please don't hesitate to ask. This chapter is roughly 5 pages long.

Chapter 1, Torn Asunder

Fields of amber, purple and blue stretched out to the east for as far as the eyes could see. To the north, south and west were the forests that led to the distant lands, if one could find their way through it. Many years have gone by and no one had come through the forest to the fields of Floresith.

The only way to see forward and hear of the world around was a raven that carried and delivered messages... and one was long overdue. Two weeks had gone by and the raven named Loki had not been seen. Two wolves Santaya and Kristolia were getting restless, their ears pricked staring out into the horizon...

Deep purple and black clouds started to form in the sky, Santaya and Kristolia sat up and growled. There was something small and black in the distance flying in an erratic pattern as if falling down an invisible stairway. It got bigger and bigger until Santaya realised it was Loki. He had finally come back at the worst time possible; in the middle of a storm. Kristolia ran forward at an incredible pace in the direction Loki was falling, she jumped up caught the poor raven delicately in her mouth and rushed forward to her owner.

Santaya and Kristolia's owner had rescued them from a bear when they were cubs, their parents died trying to protect them. Loki was aware of a prophecy... everything that had happened so far had happened accordingly as it was foretold. Loki knew it was time for his friend to go on a journey with his most loyal companions, Santaya and Kristolia.

The clouds formed into a gaping vortex, the rain started to pour down, thunder cracking through the dark sky and flashes of lightning temporarily lit up everything around. Nothing could be seen because of the battering rain, the trees of the mighty forest started to sway violently in every direction as the wind picked up. The owner of the wolves woke up from a deep sleep, he stood up and looked to his left to see Loki stumbling towards him. Kristolia walked gracefully by the side of the raven while Santaya grabbed the string on the door to close it, shutting out the howling wind and rain. Loki looked up to the dishevelled man and squawked said "Tis time tis time, pitter-patter must we go... in the morn we must" The dishevelled man looked confused and watched as the raven went in search for his food in the kitchen.

Loud cracking could be heard from outside. The cottage started to creak and sway slightly from the wind, drops of water started to drip through the thatched roof. The man with no name collected some pots and put them in place of where the drops were falling. His cottage was on the ground floor and open plan. To the far left was his bed and his clothes thrown on top of a unit of drawers, in the middle of the cottage was a comfortable sitting area and to the far right was the kitchen and dining table. It was a small plain cottage but adequate.

The man had lived in the cottage for years, he had no recollection of where he lived before that. He was slightly taller than the average male of the kingdom, he had mousy brown hair which was something of a rarity and green eyes which were deemed strange and majestic, and he was slim but well built... true farmers build. This man knew how to hunt and how to fight with a weapon, a hand and a half sword, but he favoured a bow and arrow. He knew not how he learnt the skills he had but was grateful because those very skills had saved his life.

A loud crack suddenly boomed in the air, branches started to come through the thatched roof as a humongous tree came crashing down. Santaya and Kristolia ran forward knocking the dishevelled man towards his bed as the trunk met the floor, branches whipped all around and caught the man across his back. The man screamed in pain.

"Danger danger" Squawked Loki

"You don't bloody say do you" Growled the man more as a statement than a question... "Come on girls through the window you go, quickly"

The wolves jumped through the window and Loki followed close behind. Once they were all out of the crumbling cottage the man carried Loki into an underground tunnel that he had found when he first came across the area. He looked out across Floresith as he struggled to walk to the underground room because of the wind. The sky looked bruised as the thunder and lightning rolled across the horizon. Flashes of thunder cracked through reaching from the sky to floor, white, red and blue. The tree’s on the outskirts of the forest were torn asunder sending splinters everywhere.

Through the tunnel, they went for a few minutes until they all came to the opening of a small room just big enough to keep them safe till the storm died down. This room was used as his smithy. There were shelves lined up along the walls with farming and harvesting tools lay along them and hanging from pegs. This was the first time Loki had entered the room. He aimed his hand to the furnace and muttered “Fajro.” A small fire started to smoulder. He grabbed some wood and chucked it inside poking it with a long stick. The room slowly warmed up.

"Nice too, comfy room, safe room" Loki muttered looking around. Santaya and Kristolia had curled up together on the floor by the entrance. The man looked around at crude alcoves and shelves that had been dug into the walls of the room.

"Man long ago made cottage... made room underground storage, did he. That man boasted of brilliant armour and once he did... Legend or myth you make mind up... but said thief stole it. Man had no proof... killed by King's Guard was he" Loki said out loud This raven as annoying and cryptic he could be was also full of wisdom and would never tell a story if there wasn't some truth about it.

The man got up and walked to an alcove that seemed to keep grabbing his attention. He touched the alcove walls delicately, the walls gently crumbled under the touch of his finger. He looked at Loki and asked in a soft voice "Why would the King’s guard be this far into the country?"

Loki replied, "Tutor was he, tutor King when was child."

"You’re talking about Vivi aren't you?" The man asked looking perplexed.

"Mmm Vivi knows you well, Vivi more than you think." Loki then curled his head under his wings to signal the end of the conversation.

They all fell asleep, curled up close to the furnace.

Santaya twitched in her sleep.

The rays of early morning shone through and she was playing in a clearing with her sister. The air tensed up, and her parents came out from their den, sniffing the air, listening carefully. Tree branches rustled and twigs snapped a huge brown bear pawed its way through the branches stopping close to where the cubs were playing Santaya growled trying to be big and brave, her sister Kristolia cowered and hid behind a fallen trunk. Her mum ran forward grabbing Santaya by the scruff of her neck and carried her back to the den. Her father walked slowly towards the bear standing strong and proud, baring his fangs. He growled and then howled his warning to the bear. The bear responded by growling and dropping to all four paws, it ran forwards and took a swipe at her dad. Santaya tried to run out but her mother pushed her back.

Kristolia watched in horror as her father was knocked across the clearing hitting a trunk. Her eyes flashed before and she charged from behind the tree, she got to the bear and bit its paw as hard as she could, without letting go the bear howled waving its paw in the air sending the cub flying, luckily landing on her father. She noticed her father wasn’t breathing. The cub’s mother ran forward jumping in the air as high as she could aiming for the bear’s neck. She didn’t make it, the bear knocked her down to the floor, slamming its huge paw into her ribs, killing her instantly. The cub’s father had regained his consciousness and again tried to defend his girls, he noticed his mate was dead and howled in agony. Charging forward he slashed his claws at the bear’s face cutting its nose, landing on his paws he skidded past turned and tried to bite the bear’s neck. The bear stumbled back and its footing, as the wolf jumped for its neck the bear fell forward power slamming the wolf to the ground under its chest. The bear turned on the cubs, out of nowhere a two-legs came running. Flying sticks let rip from his stick-thing and piercing into the bear's hide. The bear turned in a rage, charging for the flying-stick-with-two-legs. The two-legs dodged the bear’s huge swiping paw and shot a flying-stick from close range under the bears chin, it pierced through the bear’s neck and the tip burst through the bear’s eye. The forest was filled with a blood-curdling scream scaring the birds from their perches and the forest dwellers into their holes. A thunderous thud resonated in the ground below Santaya's paws as the dead bear hit the ground. All was still in the forest now.

Santaya woke up shaking, she looked out into the darkness and howled.

Hours had gone by and the storm had finally died down. The man who Loki had nicknamed Nekonata stood up and stretched, he walked up to the entrance of the underground room and looked out, he could see his cottage. There was nothing left of the roof it had caved in, all the single pane glass windows were smashed.

Nekonata slowly walked up to the cottage and carefully opened what was left of the door. He went inside and climb over branches to see what he could salvage. He pulled up some loose floorboards and found his hand and a half sword, his longbow and flecked arrows... after rummaging deeper in the hole he found his armour, greaves and braces. Loki flew into the cottage and rested on a branch above Nekonata' head...

"Yes yes yes Warrior Nekonata... you found, you back Oh Ye Warrior Nekonata" Loki said

"I have no idea what you’re talking about... but if we go on this journey I need this to protect me," Nekonata said who was now strapping on his armour.

After a short while, Nekonata had a bag packed and his armour shone bright in the sunlight. Santaya on his left, Kristolia on his right and Loki flying just ahead... they all set of on their journey... "We will head west and go through the forest in the direction of Colkeeth Loki" Nekonata shouted ahead. Loki smiled knowing exactly what Keeper had in mind.
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Uncle42 Thick

Chat Pro Member
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Billy, enthralled is all I can say mate.. Writing with characters is a very big thing, but a sory reviving around wizadry, talking animals is not easy but u hv made pure justice to it.. And the fight.. One goes through it not just read but feels it. Bravo


Active Member
As I said for the prologue, you are welcome to comment and give constructive criticism but please be polite. If you find something confusing or aren't sure how to pronounce names or places please don't hesitate to ask. This chapter is roughly 6 pages long.

Chapter 2, On The Road.

Loki flew ahead and stopped on a branch to wait for the others to catch up, the forest loomed ahead its treetops reaching into the distant horizon. Willows, conifers, beeches and oaks all stood tall and proud, there was an ancient feeling of wisdom and pride emanating from the trees as they gently swayed to and fro. Nekonata stopped at the beginning of the forest and looked down to the floor to see the pathway long overgrown, barely visible.

“Here we go” Said Nekonata quietly, and they all stepped into the forest. Birds, squirrels, rabbits and insects all chirped, ticked and clicked away, as they walked further into the forest. Santaya and Kristolia found a small stream gushing with fresh water, they rushed forward with their tails wagging as they had a big drink.

A deer stopped dead in its tracks a few feet up ahead and stared at the wolves, it flinched when Santaya looked up at it. Kristolia wasn't interested and just lay on the floor by Nekonata' feet as he also had a drink. Santaya stood up and slowly walked towards the deer.

“Santaya” Nekonata quietly said, “Not now my friend, we still have a long way to go today”

Santaya reluctantly obeyed and came back. Once again they moved forward, with Loki flying ahead and in some cases hopping from branch to branch as the trees got closer together. The atmosphere in the forest was slowly starting to change, Santaya and Kristolia were now more alert walking closer to Nekonata. Nekonata patted the wolves on their heads in a reassuring way and they purred. Loki jumped, his feathers on end and flew to perch on Nekonata' shoulders. An Owl hooted loudly as darkness started to descend.

Nekonata set up camp in a small clearing, he gathered twigs from nearby and stacked them up, he rubbed his palms together to warm them up, “Fajro” He muttered and a small fire sprang to life. Nekonata kept feeding sticks and twigs into the fire till it was big enough to stand on its own. Nekonata had a small meal of cheese and bread, which he had packed, while Santaya and Kristolia wandered off to find their own food.

The night got darker, Nekonata threw down his thin mattress and lay down to go to sleep, Santaya and Kristolia had come back and laid down on the side of the fire, eating their hunt. Loki perched on the branch of a tall tree above Nekonata's head.

The night was at its darkest hour, and the ancient sentient trees swayed to and fro still, whispers all around could be heard, a language of the ancients, so ancient it had long been forgotten. Nekonata was relaxed, the fire was still strong, and warm. Slowly he fell into a deep sleep. The occasional grunt from Loki could be heard in the now silent forest.

Birds tweeted as the morning sun began to rise, the early rays filtering through the canopy of leaves gently falling on Nekonata's face, he stood and stretched already noticing Santaya and Kristolia were awake eating a fish they had caught from some stretch of water a few miles to the east. His companions stood and stretched and casually walked to him. Nekonata knelt down and hugged both his friends, then turned to roll up his thin mattress. Once again they set off on their journey. Days had gone by and they continued to walk all day and rest at night.

Some days later they came to a road leading to the west. “Hmm we are on the right path, I was starting to feel like we'd lost our way,” Nekonata said to Loki, all he heard was a chuckle from the raven.

The ground started to shake and a rumble could be heard gaining speed coming in their direction. They all ran from the road and hid behind some trees just as a group of riders came to a halt just where they had all been stood. Loki gasped “Those be elves!” he said to Nekonata.

The group of Elven riders muttered to themselves for a few moments and then continued to ride on down the road. When the riders had gone some distance Nekonata and his companions came out of hiding and stepped back onto the road again, they started to walk up the road heading west once again.

“Elves haven't been seen around here for years,” Nekonata said.

“Hundred years not seen” Loki replied, “Elves live far east, far east.”

“Then why have they shown themselves now? Nekonata asked, but he got no response from Loki, instead, the raven screeched “danger, danger” at the top of his lungs.

Nekonata looked up and saw another group of riders galloping straight for them. Nekonata could see with his keen eye that their clothes dirty, ripped and well worn, the swords down by their sides were bloody and rusty... “Bandits” muttered Nekonata.

“Santaya, Kristolia into the woods now, if they see you they will kill you and make clothes out of you!” The wolves snarled and refused to move, “Go now, please do as I tell you, get in the forest now!”

The wolves ran for the forest and hid in the tall grass, Nekonata pulled his travelling cloak around him, hiding his armour and weapons. His heart pounding, and brow sweating as the Bandits came upon him surrounding him.

“Who are yeh? An where ya goin?” Demanded the lead bandit...

“I'm just a Priest, travelling to Colkeeth” replied Keeper calmly.

A snort of derisive laughter rose from the group, and the lead bandit kicked Nekonata in the face knocking him out cold before he could react, and he slumped to the floor. The bandits picked him up and threw him over the back of a horse, tying his hands and feet together, and they headed straight back into the forest going east…

The lead bandit was smaller in height that Nekonata, but not by much. He had tanned skin from travelling a lot in the sun, his hair was dark his eyes a dark blue. He was strangely well-spoken with the occasional use of a slang dialect. He was well-liked in amongst his group and seemed to have a strong leadership presence.

“We have come a long way from Ukiah Sands. We have been victorious in our pillagings. We will soon be rich!”

“Hey Jole, where we headed next? I hope there is some fine-lookin' ladies when we get der!”

Jole the lead bandit laughed and slapped his thigh. “We are going to Souleh Tomb’s, should be lots of treasure in those ruins. Never know might find some warm flesh on the way!”

Laughter and howling rang through Nekonata head, he tried to sit up but couldn't, he went drowsy and fell to the floor again. Nekonata took a few deep breaths and sat up looking around groggily. He realised his hands were tied behind his back, he dislocated his thumb on his left hand and slipped his wrists out of his restraints, once his eyes had adjusted he could see the bandits grouped around a fire, the lead bandit was wearing Nekonata’s armour it was too tight on the bandit, it did nothing to enhance his appearance, he was also waving his sword around in the air, laughing loudly at some obscure joke.

There was a rustle in the branches to the left of where he was sitting, and he saw Kristolia, Santaya and Loki pop their heads out so he could see them. Nekonata smiled and shook his head, his companions hid again. A sense of relief spread across his face knowing his companions were close by.

Nekonata quietly watched the bandits as they slowly one by one started to fall asleep. The bandit leader was scruffy, he wore green and brown pants and tunic, with a loose leather belt at his waist. He was tall and well built, his eyes were blue and his black hair was tied up in a long plait down his back. Nekonata stood up as quietly as he could and then slowly walked towards the bandit leader. He reached down to pick up his hand and a half sword that had been placed next to the sleeping man. Nekonata reached for it slowly, as his hand touched the hilt the lead bandit woke up, Nekonata grabbed his sword and jumped back, he swung it round in a smooth arching motion, adjusted his stance and prepared to make a defence.

The lead bandit stood up and laughed loudly waking up the others. “Yeh wanna ave' a fight do yah?” The lead bandit was fast, he drew his sword from his scabbard and swung for Nekonata's face, Nekonata stepped back and blocked the attack, and then countered the man’s attack.

The other bandits jumped to their feet and drew their weapons getting ready to pounce on when Nekonata, Kristolia and Santaya burst through from behind the trees, jumped and snapped at two of the bandits heads killing them straight away. The lead bandit and Nekonata were still attacking and counter-attacking each other’s blows. A loud whistle pierced the air over the clangs and scrapes of metal against metal, the lead bandit flinched, and Nekonata swung his sword round pivoting on the toes of his feet stabbed the man straight through the heart in a clean decisive strike. Twangs from several bows as arrows launched from behind the trees killing their targets instantly. Nekonata jumped into a defensive stance, while his wolf friends joined him either side.

The next few seconds passed agonizingly slow as he crouched in a defensive position in case of another attack. Nekonata heard the snorts of horses from behind the trees, and the crunch of feet on twigs as a rider dismounted.

A cloaked figure came from behind the trees and cautiously approached Nekonata, with arms raised to show they were unarmed. The figure stopped in front of him and slowly lowered the hood of its cloak. The figure had long blonde hair, high cheekbones, very refined features, and her eyes were of hazel.

“Saluton, sunt vobis bene?” she said in a soft gentle purring voice. Nekonata looked at her mesmerized but confused. He didn't understand what she said.

She smiled, and then said, “Hello, are you ok?” She turned to look at the bandit leader, Nekonata gasped slightly noticing she had angle pointed ears, the female elf took no notice, “You have very good swordsmanship skills” She said looking at him again.

Nekonata shrugged his shoulder as he lowered his sword, he moved slowly to retrieve his armour to put them back on again. Nekonata turned to see the elf had knelt down and was stroking Santaya and Kristolia, they purred at the elf's touch. “What are their names?” She asked

“Santaya on the left, Kristolia on the right... and Loki is around somewhere” replied Nekonata. The raven squawked, flying down to perch on his shoulders. The elf looked up with a keen interest in the raven. Before anything more could be said the rest of the elf riders came from behind the trees, and silently looked around.

The female elf stood and walked closely to Nekonata, looking him up and down “I sense a power inside you, one you don't understand, soon you will, you just have to believe, I will see you again Warrior” She turned and walked away, another elf walked forward and handed her the reins of a horse. In one swift motion, she jumped and mounted, and turned to ride away.

“Wait please!” Nekonata shouted, “May I ask your name?”

The female elf turned and responded, “Gabija of Clan Panther,” with that she rode back into the forest heading east.

Nekonata watched as Gabija left with her riders, he sensed power of authority from her but dismissed it thinking maybe she was the Captain of the group. He looked around to see the carnage and the dead on the floor around his feet.

“Food good, tasty” Squawked Loki.

Nekonata laughed and told them all to 'tuck in.' Santaya looked up and then continued to lick her fur, while Kristolia bounced up and down on her front paws trying to knock over the roasting deer. Nekonata walked up to the spit and pulled the stick of from one end, he took a knife from his waist and cut a leg off for himself and gave the rest to Kristolia.

“Santaya, come eat my friend,” said Nekonata quietly. Santaya rose to her feet, then turned and disappeared behind the trees, a few moments later there was a yelp and a flutter of wings, and she appeared again with a goose hanging from her mouth. Santaya lay down and started to eat, Nekonata shook his head rolling his eyes and tucked into eating his own.

Nekonata decided they needed to move away from the dead bandits before the flesh-eaters arrived, he and his companions were well fed and well-rested. He looked to Loki who was asleep with his head under his wings perched on a low hanging branch from a nearby tree.

“Loki it’s time to go, we need to get away from here,” Loki looked at Nekonata and stretched his wings. “Fly up and see if you can find the path where I got captured” Loki stretched his wings one more time and flew away in a spiralling circle till he reached the treetops, a few moments later he flew back down and landed on Nekonata' shoulder.

“West,” Loki said quietly...

Nekonata put out of the last remaining ember’s of the fire, he searched around the dead bandits and found a few pouches with small amounts of gold and silver, he transferred them into his own pouch. He picked up his backpack and readjusted it to make sure the contents were safe and secure, and they all set of west at a slow pace, Santaya and Kristolia's ears were pricked upright listening carefully at all the sounds around them, birds tweeted, insects chirped and other animals chattered. There was a light breezy wind in the air, and everything was calm.

A few days later they found the road heading to Colkeeth, as they walked along it Nekonata spotted dried droplets of blood on the ground, from where he was kicked in the face a few nights before. Nekonata scuffed his feet on the floor kicking up some dust to cover the dried blood, and then continued to walk up the road that turned east towards Colkeeth. The road was dusty and well worn, remnants of cobbles could be seen in the ground from a time gone past. Signposts leaning over precariously, able to fall to the ground with a well-placed finger. Old watchtowers stood crumbled and barren...

“Once great” Loki muttered quietly from Nekonata' shoulder, “Once...”

Nekonata didn't reply, he just sighed and carried on. His wolf companions were still at his feet, they had relaxed a little and were now enjoying the walk, every now and again Kristolia would run ahead and then lay down to wait for the others to catch up. That night they headed a mile or so into the forest away from the road so they could rest, from their journey, it would be another week or so before they reached their destination.

Colkeeth was a small city used as a trading post where people of all races could sell their wares, and that was why he wanted to go there. Nekonata had planned to buy a horse and food for their journey, after that he would simply travel to wherever his feet took him. Loki was watching him quietly from his perch on a high tree branch. Nekonata was fully aware that Loki was watching him

A small fire was lit and his wolf companions curled up close to it, the weather was getting colder. After a small meal of bread and cheese Nekonata lay down to get some rest He pulled his travelling cloak around him, but was still cold, Santaya and Kristolia came and lay on either side of him and rested their heads on his chest. Nekonata fell into a deep sleep.

Everything was quiet, no animals could be heard, no water trickling or rushing in its streams, no branches or trees swaying in the wind. Everything was as silent as stone. Something flew in the sky, high up, too high to be seen... But it cast a large shadow over the spot where Nekonata stood. It turned, it was coming towards him fast, faster than anything he had ever seen. He wanted to run, but he couldn't, he was rooted to the spot. Whatever it was almost upon him, he couldn't make it out, other than it was huge, absolutely massive, something jumped high in the air, and landed gracefully in front of him. A young girl stood there, she had curly ginger hair and piercing green eyes, her skin was so light and pale... She was beautiful... She smiled. “Warrior... Help”

Nekonata sat up, awoken by a loud snort. He hit his head on something sharp and knew straight away his head was bleeding. He looked around to see Loki sat staring at him an inch away from his face, Santaya and Kristolia were looking at him confused.

“Damn it Loki! What are you doing?” Nekonata shouted.

“Talk sleep” muttered Loki, he stretched his wings and flew back up on the tree branch he had chosen as his perch.

Nekonata watched him while wiping the blood from his head. “I saw a girl, green eyes, orange hair, pale skin, asked me to help her, it felt so real Loki.” He clenched his hands to try to stop them shaking.

Uncle42 Thick

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Billy, I was waiting for one such great read. You have clearly, with expertise captured every character n woven them wonderfully in your script.. The mystery keeps building around the warrior and it adds to the overall story in a perfect blend. What I really love is that you have given each character equal play and not just one. Kudos Billy can't wait for chapter 3 .
Waiting with bated breath


Active Member
Chapters 3 and 4 are quite short so I've put them both in this post. As I said in the previous chapter posts, you are welcome to comment and give constructive criticism but please be polite. If you find something confusing or aren't sure how to pronounce names or places please don't hesitate to ask.

Chapter 3, Loki’s Flight.

Loki looked at his eyes now wide open, he flew off his perch and landed on a fallen log, he walked up the log till he was in front of Nekonata's face, he looked deep into his eyes. “Was real” Loki said out loud as clear as day... The clearest Nekonata had ever heard him speak. Loki stretched his wings and flew off into the night.

“Loki” Nekonata shouted, “Loki where are you going?” He shouted again... But got no reply, Loki had disappeared into the night.

The sun was rising, stretching right across the horizon, Loki was flying over the Calabough Lake. This Lake was a special one, simply because it stood in the middle of a forest so dense that no one other than the Elves or Shapeshifters dared travel through it. Elves could be seen fishing and swimming as he flew over... A squawk was heard behind him, Loki looked over his shoulder to find several other birds flying to catch up with him, “Well met Loki” They all shouted.

Loki laughed, “I say, my friends, I have important business with mine cousin” The other birds shouted there farewells and good lucks and banked heavily to the left and soon disappeared back into the forest.

Loki swooped down straight for Calabough Lake, his talons delicately touching the ice-cold water creating gentle ripples. An Elf horn sounded, a signal to the Queen that a visitor had arrived. Loki looked up to see a tall gracious elf stood in front of the entrance to the Great Hall. A smile upon her face. Loki sped up and flared his wings to slow down his descent and landed heavily on a thick tree branch.

“Dank al vi, via Moŝto.” He said with a small bow.

“And be with you” She replied, “Enough of the formalities, Why have you graced us with your presence?” She asked with a mischievous smile.

“The prophecy is coming true right before mine eyes. He has told me of a dream where a young redhead with green eyes asking for his help” Loki replied getting straight to it.

His cousin looked at him eyes wide, “Are you serious? So soon?” Loki nodded and said nothing...

Loki says “Gabija,” He said quietly “We have to set the plans in motion, he and she will need all the help they can get. Now is the time to try and make amends with the Dwarves, I hear King Branth has passed away and his son Althor now is King”

“How long have you known about the Dwarf King? Gabija asked

“Two days ago, a message came to me by a squirrel” Loki replied...

“Young Timtur?” She asked and Loki nodded “I agree with what you say” There she paused. “Martheel” She shouted, a light brown haired Elf with yellow eyes quickly showed up, “I want you to get my Riders ready for dawn, we are travelling to Buradoth Mountains.”

“Yes, Your Majesty” He turned to walk away then stopped in the doorway... “You mean to the Dwarves?”

Gabija nodded “Yes to the Dwarves, now go! This is important” Martheel left quickly to relay his Queen's message.

“I need to go.” Said Loki, “I left him without saying a word, he still has no idea who I am or you for that matter”

Queen Gabija nodded, “Keep it like so for now, May you have good fortune on your travels friend.” She gave him a quick hug before walking away.

Loki walked back out of the Great Hall, he looked up to the heavens, muttered a long incantation, he clapped his hands and lightning struck him, in a matter of seconds he was the Oversized Raven again in flight on his way back to the Warrior, Nekonata.

Chapter 4, Colkeeth.

Nekonata, Kristolia and Santaya packed up and continued their journey to Colkeeth. Nekonata was at a loss as to why Loki flew off the way he did and decided he would confront Loki when he showed his face again. They were now only 2 or 3 days away from the port town. Nekonata had decided he would maintain his story of being a Priest. Under his travelling cloak, he still wore his armour, his trusty sword still sheathed at his waist.

Children were playing in a nearby field, Nekonata stopped and watched them for a moment, Santaya and Kristolia sat down at his feet, their tails wagging wanting to run off and join the children. As Nekonata watched he noticed a young girl walking on top of a narrow jagged wall, her balance wavering every now and then. One of the boys inside the field kicked a pig’s bladder at her. It hit the girl in the face, knocking her off balance and causing her to fall. Before Nekonata had even realised he was moving he had caught the young girl an inch or so from the ground, a jagged stone just millimetres away from her eyes. Nekonata still shocked from how fast he had moved lifted the young girl up and sat her on the wall.

“Are you ok?” He asked her softly, the young girl stunned just nodded her head. Nekonata moved to walk away, as all the boys who were playing in the field ran up to him and surrounded him.

“Wow, that was amazing!” One of the boys said.

“You moved so fast you were just a blur,” said another

The boy who originally kicked the pig's bladder at the girl decided he would kick the ball at Kristolia, Nekonata spun on his heel unsheathed his blade in one fluid moment slashing the bladder in half before it made contact with the wolf's face. Nekonata leapt over the wall sheathing his blade and stormed towards the boy.

“Who do you think you are Boy?” The boy slowly started to walk backwards. “No point in running from me boy! I will catch you before you say your own name!”

The boy turned and ran “Mal..” Nekonata ran forward and grabbed the boy by his shirt collar “Colm” The boy finished, then noticing his legs were longer on the floor.

“Don’t you EVER aim anything at my girls!” Nekonata growled pointing at the wolves. “You are lucky I don’t let them eat you!” He said staring menacingly into the boy's eyes.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I won’t do it again I promise!” The boy started to cry as he wet himself.

Nekonata put him down on the floor. “Now go say sorry to the girl you hit, it best be heartfelt or the wolves will get you!”

Santaya and Kristolia stood and growled flashing their teeth at Malcolm.

Nekonata turned to walk away, “Come on girls.” He called over his shoulder.

Nekonata glanced back to see Malcolm had hugged the girl and apologized. He was confused at his new found speed. He tightened his cloak around him and continued to walk on, the girls by his feet.

“We are coming into town now girls,” Nekonata said looking down at his companions. “We don't want any trouble while we are here. Please stay by my side.”

They slowly turned the corner of the cobbled road and there before them was a huge iron portcullis fully drawn into the archway and watchtowers, there were four guards wearing dull grey armour, they had long spears in their hands and short swords at their waists. Nekonata slowly walked up to them, all four guards drew their spears and crossed them over.

“Who are you and what's your business?” One of them said looking at the wolves.

“I'm a Priest, travelling this way and that,” He said calmly

“Those animals... they are wolves?”

“They are, and tame at that, I've had and trained them since they were cubs.”

“They will cause no trouble?” The guard asked looking nervous

“As long as no one tries to harm me, there will be no trouble, that I can guarantee you,” Nekonata said calmly

The guards withdrew their spears and let him pass “No trouble!” The guard said to him with an attempted stern look. Santaya growled at him flashing her teeth, and the guard jumped. Nekonata nodded and smiled.

Loki flew as fast as he could. High up in the sky just below the clouds, he could see a Swallow flying towards him. Loki dropped his flight path so he was level to meet the small bird.

“Meera I see you” He called out. Meera the swallow slowed down and Loki swiftly met her.

“He has reached Colkeeth unharmed...” She said out of breath

“Thank you Meera, you go home and rest, take care” Loki replied and flew off.

The weather started to change, there was static in the clouds, the sky started to go dark and rumbles could be heard in the distance. Loki saw Colkeeth and dove straight for the port town, as he got closer he saw Santaya and Kristolia drinking from a small fountain. Nekonata was buying a horse. Kristolia looked up and saw Loki approaching, bouncing on her front paws, tail wagging. Santaya followed her sister’s gaze and soon her tail was wagging also. Loki spread his wings out to slow his descent and landed softly on Santaya's back. Kristolia bounced up and licked the raven's face.

Nekonata turned around and saw Loki, he gave the raven a stern look, “Kristolia sit, be calm” He said quietly to the excited wolf. “You’re scaring the horse!”

Nekonata placed the saddle on the stallion and fastened it. He slowly and carefully attached his supplies to the saddle and climbed up. He kicked the horse into a slow trot, his wolf companions walked either side of him, and Loki flew up to land on Nekonata' shoulder.

“Edena Village you must go” Loki whispered into his ear in a serious voice...

Nekonata looked at the raven from the corner of his eye and nodded. He patted his horse on the neck, “I name you Kimbo.” He said quietly.

They slowly moved their way through Colkeeth and headed out through the north entrance. Once they were out of the way of the farmlands Nekonata grabbed the raven from his shoulder, and held him firmly so he couldn't fly away and far enough away from his face.

“Why the hell did you fly off like that?” Nekonata asked.

The raven looked at him calmly and replied, “Sent message, message important.”

“Who to? What message?” Nekonata asked confused,

“Go Edena Village, find out,” Loki replied nipping at Nekonata's finger. Nekonata yelped and let
go, and Loki casually flew back to his perch on the shoulder of Nekonata.

Uncle42 Thick

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The crisp character lines is the strength that you have. Though the story is of one person, various characters that you have built around the main character is amazing. The transformation of loki adds more sizzle to the mystery and keeps the reader at the edge. Great work Billy


Active Member
Chapter 5, Swamp Trouble.

Nekonata sighed and once clear from Colkeeth he to urged his horse into a trot and started race north in the direction of Edena Village, they charged and ran through fields upon fields until they came to the swamps, Delphinian Swamps. These swamps were well known to cause travelers trouble, they were a natural maze with reeds and swamp grass reaching seven feet in height, not to mention the quickening bog holes that could swallow armies up in minutes. Legend had it that Illyad a legendary warrior in times gone past took an army of thousands through here to try and fight the ever-strengthening Imperial Army. They got lost and drowned in the bog holes, it’s said as in all legends that his spirit roams the Swamps looking for vengeance.

“Careful!” Loki muttered into Nekonata's ear. Nekonata was walking cautiously, and his wolf companions fell into a single file, Santaya in front and Kristolia behind. A few tall trees were scattered about, as daylight started to fade Nekonata noticed red eyes of all sizes watching him. With his keen sight, he could tell which were owls, squirrels, and other animals.

“They are nocturnal here, everyone needs to be careful and watch where they are going.” Nekonata said quietly, after a few minutes he pulled a long stick from his backpack, wrapped a strip of cloth around it and carefully poured some oil on to the cloth, “Fajro”, he muttered and fire sprang to life on the oil-soaked cloth, Nekonata lifted the torch above his head to light the way.

Santaya snarled and everyone froze, a red-eyed mouse stopped in front of them, three times the size of a normal mouse, starring. Suddenly a loud screech came from a nearby tree, and the flutter of wings rushed down in a furry, faster than a blur an owl dived into view snatching the mouse from the floor in front of them, the owl hovered in front of them and then flew off. Nekonata sighed and they continued.

A short while later Nekonata noticed a deep heavy mist enveloping the horizon, the air was getting colder, and their torch flickered. Kristolia whined and Santaya's ears pricked upwards, Loki turned his head to look behind. Nekonata shifted his weight in Kimbo's saddle, and the horse snorted. Sounds of metal striking metal could be heard in the distance, harrowing ear-piercing screams shattered the silence. Nekonata tensed up, as misty shadows started to appear, fighting each other. They stopped moving and remained frozen watching all that was happening. When the misty shadows disappeared, they continued forward slowly.

He instinctively drew his sword. It flashed bright purple piercing the dark mist, his torch flickered out as it fell into the watery bog.

“Damn” He muttered.

Loki stretched his wings and darted forward at a misty shadow, the wolves followed his example, but they fell through the misty figures. Santaya and Kristolia slowly backed up to where Nekonata was standing.

“Make fire” squawked Loki, “Make fire”

Nekonata reached into his supplies and grabbed a stick, he tore a piece of cloth from the bottom of his cloak, and soaked into oil, “Fajro” he muttered. The misty shadows stepped back as fire sprung to life.

“They don't like fire!” Nekonata shouted. “Move forward slowly and stay close to me” Nekonata starts to swing the fire torch around, and the misty shadows fall further back. Nekonata, however, didn't realize that an army of Misty Shadows was gathering just out of sight in the darkness.

“WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?” Boomed a voice in the distance “HOW DARE YOU THREATEN MY MEN!” The voice was getting closer.

“Your men threatened me, and my companions,” Nekonata replied loud enough to be heard.

“Who are you?”


“I am not from these lands, I am just a simple traveler on my way to Edena Village,” Nekonata said trying to stay calm, He swung the torch in front of him, trying to find the where the voice was coming from.

“I AM ILLYAD, CAPTAIN TO THE IMPERIAL SOLDIERS, I EMBRACE THE LAND WITH KING OLSON'S POWER” Came the voice stepping closer so Nekonata could see him. Although a misty shadow the features of the figure were still clear to see, He was a tall strong set man, a man of pure authority. It was clear he looked after his armour and his appearance.

Just as Nekonata was about to pay homage to the Legendary Captain, Illyad drew his sword and pointed it at him.

“I DO NOT LIKE TRESPASSERS!” He shouted, his sword swung down to signal the attack.

Santaya and Kristolia growled and howled as the misty figures charged towards them. Nekonata was knocked off his horse, when he opened his eyes he saw Illyad standing over him with his sword raised above his head ready to strike.

Nekonata's eyes rolled, an inner strength building inside him... He felt a pressure in his mind and body, a very strong presence starting to take over “KVAILAS!” The voice in his mind shouted the voice was male. Nekonata tried to fight it, but it was too strong. Suddenly Nekonata found he had no control over his own body, he saw his arm trying to reach the torch, taking it by the tips of his fingers, pulling it towards him.

“MY FIRST KILL IN A WHILE!” Shouted Illyad, excited.

“Provocet orta murus ignis in conspectu meo!” Came a voice from Nekonata's mouth, a voice not his own. Nekonata saw the torch flicker stronger. Illyads eyes went wide. “PROVOCET ORTA MURUS IGNIS IN CONSPECTU MEO!” The voice was even stronger. A moment later a huge wall of fire shot forward from the fire on the torch. Illyad eyes were wide with horror...


Nekonata still unable to control his body stood up, mounted his horse, Kimbo, and started to run through the maze of the Delphinian Swamp... The last thing Nekonata saw was a massive ball of fire that shot out of nowhere high above their heads and continued till it disappeared over the Termini Mountains. As the presence left him, Nekonata passed out, slumping in the saddle. Kimbo seemed to realize exactly what the sky fire meant and he followed it out of the swamps.

They came to a grassy knoll on the edge of the Delphinian Swamp. Kimbo slowly trotted up to it and once at the top, he stopped to have a drink from the small stream that was trickling by back down into the Swamp.

Nekonata disorientated slowly came round and sat up in the saddle. Kristolia and Santaya were lay on the grass resting. Once Nekonata came fully too, he looked around and realized they were no longer in the Swamps, he saw the stream and quickly feeling very thirsty he slid from the saddle and joined Kimbo to drinking

“Loki.” Nekonata called out once he'd drank enough, “How long was I asleep? What happened?”

Loki flew around in a circle till he landed on Kimbo's saddle. He looked at Nekonata and simply replied “Sleep, 3 days.” Then he stretched his wings and took off to the skies flying in a circle above their heads.