The winter holidays have arrived and as usual the town is in chaos, the sound of screaming fill the streets, I assumed it was just fireworks but it turned out it was far worse. Santa was out there telling everyone that he was going to empty his sack, I thought to myself "ugh not again...", I assumed he was just drunk as usual but this year he was sober, Santa was half naked and reached down to his full heavy sack.
Moments later he took out a machine gun and started firing, I thought to myself "ok he's not drunk he's just gone insane...". Bullet's flew through the air as everyone ran around trying to find someplace to hide, as he continued to fire the machine gun he took out a cigar and lit it, after a few puff's of his cigar he said something, "ho ho ho, Santa loves painting thing's red..." He said.
Why was Santa half naked and firing a machine gun you ask?, well that's easy to explain, I had run outside and asked Santa what he was doing. He said he was trying to rid the town of zombie's, I asked him "what zombie's?" As he continued to unleash a hail of bullet's, he pointed towards a group of men that were coming towards us, they were staring at their phone's.
"See!, those zombie's!" Said Santa, I told him they were just people but he refused to believe me and took some grenade's out of his sack. Moments later he threw the grenade's and then..."BOOM!", the group of men exploded, then he couldn't help but to say his catchphrase, "ho ho ho, I love emptying my sack!" He said, I placed my face in my palm and then sighed.
A moment later I told him that he could have thought of a less cheesy catchphrase, then it happened...a beautiful woman was walking up to us and Santa dropped his pants and exposed himself. Santa then said "you like my jingle bells?", the woman screamed and then sprayed her eyes with pepper spray and temporarily blinded herself, "how rude!" Said Santa, his pants still down.
A few moments later another woman appeared, she became still and saw Santa stamp there naked as he smoked his cigar. "Hey babe, you like my carrot?" He said, the woman replied "you call that a carrot, look's more like a button mushroom..", the woman laughed and then walked away, "aw come on...I only get to come once a year..." Said Santa, I told Santa to stop using those old jokes but he refused.
After a few minutes another woman arrived, it was his wife, Santa didn't see her behind him as he talked to another woman. "hey babe I love pie's....I got some cream filling for you" said Santa, the woman sighed and then walked away as Santa's wife tapped him on his shoulder, she asked him what he was doing, "hey babe I was just trying to empty this sack and get some pie!" Said Santa
Santa's wife slapped him around the head and then sighed, "I know you only get to come once a year but stop terrorising everyone with your carrot and two lumps of coal..." she said. "Well if you let me empty my sack at home I wouldn't have to do this every year" said Santa, I thought to myself "seriously, are they just gonna keep doing innuendo?" as I face palmed myself again.
"You're supposed to give out gift's not traumatize people..." Said Santa's wife as she pulled his pants back up, Santa grumbled and said "don't dress me, you're embarrassing me!". A few moments later Rudolph appeared, his nose bright red, "Rudolph's nose isn't supposed to be red!" Said Santa's wife, "yeah about that, I may have given him some rum..." Said Santa.
"Oh great....so Rudolph is drunk!" Said Santa's wife, "yeah, cool right!" Said Santa as Rudolph floated through the air and burped. "How much rum did you give him?" Asked Santa's wife, "hmm I don't know, maybe 3 or 4..." Said Santa, "3 or 4 glasses?" Said Santa's wife, "nah 3 or 4 bottles haha" said Santa as Rudolph floated around and then sat on Santa's head.
"Ok that's it!, get back home now" said Santa's wife as Rudolph burped again, "fine..." Said Santa, a few moments later I slowly backed away as Rudolph floated down. Santa climbed onto Rudolph's back and a few seconds later I watched as they flew away into the night sky, I thought to myself "oh well another year of madness, maybe Santa will behave next year...nah of course he won't be can't help himself, he just loves emptying that sack and showing off his carrot..".
Moments later he took out a machine gun and started firing, I thought to myself "ok he's not drunk he's just gone insane...". Bullet's flew through the air as everyone ran around trying to find someplace to hide, as he continued to fire the machine gun he took out a cigar and lit it, after a few puff's of his cigar he said something, "ho ho ho, Santa loves painting thing's red..." He said.
Why was Santa half naked and firing a machine gun you ask?, well that's easy to explain, I had run outside and asked Santa what he was doing. He said he was trying to rid the town of zombie's, I asked him "what zombie's?" As he continued to unleash a hail of bullet's, he pointed towards a group of men that were coming towards us, they were staring at their phone's.
"See!, those zombie's!" Said Santa, I told him they were just people but he refused to believe me and took some grenade's out of his sack. Moments later he threw the grenade's and then..."BOOM!", the group of men exploded, then he couldn't help but to say his catchphrase, "ho ho ho, I love emptying my sack!" He said, I placed my face in my palm and then sighed.
A moment later I told him that he could have thought of a less cheesy catchphrase, then it happened...a beautiful woman was walking up to us and Santa dropped his pants and exposed himself. Santa then said "you like my jingle bells?", the woman screamed and then sprayed her eyes with pepper spray and temporarily blinded herself, "how rude!" Said Santa, his pants still down.
A few moments later another woman appeared, she became still and saw Santa stamp there naked as he smoked his cigar. "Hey babe, you like my carrot?" He said, the woman replied "you call that a carrot, look's more like a button mushroom..", the woman laughed and then walked away, "aw come on...I only get to come once a year..." Said Santa, I told Santa to stop using those old jokes but he refused.
After a few minutes another woman arrived, it was his wife, Santa didn't see her behind him as he talked to another woman. "hey babe I love pie's....I got some cream filling for you" said Santa, the woman sighed and then walked away as Santa's wife tapped him on his shoulder, she asked him what he was doing, "hey babe I was just trying to empty this sack and get some pie!" Said Santa
Santa's wife slapped him around the head and then sighed, "I know you only get to come once a year but stop terrorising everyone with your carrot and two lumps of coal..." she said. "Well if you let me empty my sack at home I wouldn't have to do this every year" said Santa, I thought to myself "seriously, are they just gonna keep doing innuendo?" as I face palmed myself again.
"You're supposed to give out gift's not traumatize people..." Said Santa's wife as she pulled his pants back up, Santa grumbled and said "don't dress me, you're embarrassing me!". A few moments later Rudolph appeared, his nose bright red, "Rudolph's nose isn't supposed to be red!" Said Santa's wife, "yeah about that, I may have given him some rum..." Said Santa.
"Oh great....so Rudolph is drunk!" Said Santa's wife, "yeah, cool right!" Said Santa as Rudolph floated through the air and burped. "How much rum did you give him?" Asked Santa's wife, "hmm I don't know, maybe 3 or 4..." Said Santa, "3 or 4 glasses?" Said Santa's wife, "nah 3 or 4 bottles haha" said Santa as Rudolph floated around and then sat on Santa's head.
"Ok that's it!, get back home now" said Santa's wife as Rudolph burped again, "fine..." Said Santa, a few moments later I slowly backed away as Rudolph floated down. Santa climbed onto Rudolph's back and a few seconds later I watched as they flew away into the night sky, I thought to myself "oh well another year of madness, maybe Santa will behave next year...nah of course he won't be can't help himself, he just loves emptying that sack and showing off his carrot..".
