Some nights I genuinely wonder if people would notice if I disappeared for a while.
I laugh loud, reply fast, act normal…
but my mind is constantly destroying me in the background.
I’m tired of feeling like I ruin everything I touch.
Tired of overthinking every conversation like I said something wrong.
Tired of pretending I’m okay just so nobody has to deal with me.
The worst part?
Nobody really sees it.
They just see me being “happy” or “jolly”
while I’m fighting thoughts that tell me I’m worthless every single day.
And yeah, I know people say “things get better.”
But some days it feels like I’m just surviving out of habit, not hope.
Still…
a small part of me wants to believe there’s a version of me that doesn’t feel this heavy all the time.
So I stay.
Even when my mind begs me not to.