Some people think figure skating is some foofy poofy sport where you gracefully skate across ice and dance in sparkles or whatever. I am here to tell you that is FALSE. Yes, there are dope, sparkly outfits...but *Oprah voice* THE TRUTH IS that can't be further from the...truth!
Harpo
1. Just look right here...
Afp Contributor / AFP / Getty Images
2. ...SHE IS TWO INCHES FROM HER IMMINENT, ICY DOOM.
AFP / Getty Images
3. This. THIS. She could literally BELLYFLOP on ICE.
Atsushi Tomura / Getty Images
4. And like, dude, hold your arms out. SHE CAN'T FLY.
AFP / Getty Images
5. Also, holy my cannoli...
Geoff Robins / AFP / Getty Images
6. ...GIRL, BE CAREFUL!
AFP / Getty Images
7. Sorry, but I DO NOT trust this guy.
Atsushi Tomura / Getty Images
8. Get outta there!
AFP / Getty Images
9. Get down from there!
AFP / Getty Images
10. Wait, you guys, SHE IS LITERALLY CLIMBING ON HIM WITH SKATES. *Shaking a bit*
AFP / Getty Images
11. She's basically crying out for help, people. HELP HER.
AFP / Getty Images
12. There is so much happening here I am NOT comfortable with. Y'all are crazy!
AFP / Getty Images
13. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
AFP / Getty Images
14. WHY?!
AFP / Getty Images
15. DON'T DO IT!!!
AFP / Getty Images
16. Frankly, this is NOT going to end nicely.
AFP / Getty Images
17. WHERE IS HIS HEAD?!
AFP / Getty Images
18. IT'S LIKE SHE WANTS TO DIE.
Tim Bradbury / Getty Images
19. "This is lovely." —Skater almost dying
Tim Bradbury / Getty Images
20. I'M SORRY, but you are just asking for a thumb jam doing that!
Mandy Cheng / AFP / Getty Images
21. *Grandma voice* BE CAREFUL!
AFP / Getty Images
22. *Whoopi voice* "Girl, you in danger."
AFP / Getty Images
23. PICK HER UP.
AFP / Getty Images
24. WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?
AFP / Getty Images
25. NO NO NO.
AFP / Getty Images
26. "I deeply regret this, I think." —Her
AFP / Getty Images
27. WHAT IN TARNATION?!
AFP / Getty Images
28. HER FACE SAYS IT ALL.
AFP / Getty Images
29. "Oy, mista. You me dad?!" —Her, maybe
AFP / Getty Images
Harpo
1. Just look right here...
Afp Contributor / AFP / Getty Images
2. ...SHE IS TWO INCHES FROM HER IMMINENT, ICY DOOM.
AFP / Getty Images
3. This. THIS. She could literally BELLYFLOP on ICE.
Atsushi Tomura / Getty Images
4. And like, dude, hold your arms out. SHE CAN'T FLY.
AFP / Getty Images
5. Also, holy my cannoli...
Geoff Robins / AFP / Getty Images
6. ...GIRL, BE CAREFUL!
AFP / Getty Images
7. Sorry, but I DO NOT trust this guy.
Atsushi Tomura / Getty Images
8. Get outta there!
AFP / Getty Images
9. Get down from there!
AFP / Getty Images
10. Wait, you guys, SHE IS LITERALLY CLIMBING ON HIM WITH SKATES. *Shaking a bit*
AFP / Getty Images
11. She's basically crying out for help, people. HELP HER.
AFP / Getty Images
12. There is so much happening here I am NOT comfortable with. Y'all are crazy!
AFP / Getty Images
13. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
AFP / Getty Images
14. WHY?!
AFP / Getty Images
15. DON'T DO IT!!!
AFP / Getty Images
16. Frankly, this is NOT going to end nicely.
AFP / Getty Images
17. WHERE IS HIS HEAD?!
AFP / Getty Images
18. IT'S LIKE SHE WANTS TO DIE.
Tim Bradbury / Getty Images
19. "This is lovely." —Skater almost dying
Tim Bradbury / Getty Images
20. I'M SORRY, but you are just asking for a thumb jam doing that!
Mandy Cheng / AFP / Getty Images
21. *Grandma voice* BE CAREFUL!
AFP / Getty Images
22. *Whoopi voice* "Girl, you in danger."
AFP / Getty Images
23. PICK HER UP.
AFP / Getty Images
24. WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?
AFP / Getty Images
25. NO NO NO.
AFP / Getty Images
26. "I deeply regret this, I think." —Her
AFP / Getty Images
27. WHAT IN TARNATION?!
AFP / Getty Images
28. HER FACE SAYS IT ALL.
AFP / Getty Images
29. "Oy, mista. You me dad?!" —Her, maybe
AFP / Getty Images