My weird brain wonders what life would be like if I had the freedom to fly anywhere I please like Superman, would people accept me and welcome me into their cultures, would that alone help me battle against the never ending loneliness I constantly feel? Would I find a new home, a place where I felt comfortable and content?
But then my weird brain counteracts that thought and it's own way says, not a chance you've got people here that depend on you, that need you even when they won't admit it. But, and I know there is always a 'but' I'm so sick and tired of being the one that helps everyone for no one to be their for me when I need help. It's bad enough that I hate asking for help because growing it conditioned into my brain that asking for help is a sign of weakness, and that if I can't do something I should suffer the consequences and be quiet about it.
My weird brain knows that that's not right, and it things aren't supposed to be like that, I don't know how to break away from it, so I literally won't ask for help until is my last resort. I'm a resilient guy, I'd have to be to cope with my upbringing... to cope with how things have been for the last 9 months...
But my weird brain is like 'hey Nemo, stop being a bitch, and get on with it, no one gives a shit!' and there's a huge part of me that believes no one genuinely gives a shit. Then there's that other side of me that says all to often 'you've nothing to complain about, there are others in this world going through a lot worse!'
And just like every other day my weird brain says, 'That's right, you're my bitch today like always...'
But then my weird brain counteracts that thought and it's own way says, not a chance you've got people here that depend on you, that need you even when they won't admit it. But, and I know there is always a 'but' I'm so sick and tired of being the one that helps everyone for no one to be their for me when I need help. It's bad enough that I hate asking for help because growing it conditioned into my brain that asking for help is a sign of weakness, and that if I can't do something I should suffer the consequences and be quiet about it.
My weird brain knows that that's not right, and it things aren't supposed to be like that, I don't know how to break away from it, so I literally won't ask for help until is my last resort. I'm a resilient guy, I'd have to be to cope with my upbringing... to cope with how things have been for the last 9 months...
But my weird brain is like 'hey Nemo, stop being a bitch, and get on with it, no one gives a shit!' and there's a huge part of me that believes no one genuinely gives a shit. Then there's that other side of me that says all to often 'you've nothing to complain about, there are others in this world going through a lot worse!'
And just like every other day my weird brain says, 'That's right, you're my bitch today like always...'
