Wow, it’s been almost an year since I have posted anything. Hmm! The time flies and fills with many memories. 15 APRIL 2023, hmm yes, that was the day I felt very low, very very low! Don’t even know why? This write up is to summarize how I felt and what I did in the subsequent days. (long post I guess, and spend your time wisely!)
THE ART OF LETTING GO: (15 APR 2023 – 05:30 PM EST)
Again, let’s not get confused with any of the self-help books with the same title. This is all about my zozo experience on that day and in my own narrative.
Oh boy! That was the day I felt like drowned head deep and struggling to breathe. Needed some help from someone /anyone just to talk to. So I started sending messages like a SOS (lol) on wall saying “ anyone there, I need someone to talk to” not a like a spam but In fixed interval. No one in even acknowledged or didn’t care given my reputation of being a nasty guy or I might have a sounded like a desperate guy in need of some pussy! Don’t know! Anyway, whatever it is, just blame it on me. People that are well known to me, busy expressing their love to their loved ones on the wall. I was just expecting a message, which didn’t arrive. Happens!! Few people in my friends list that are online damn busy to look at my status or situation, where I didn’t want to disturb them anyway, but the urge of talking to someone not at all diminishing. Wanted to call friends in my time zone, but given the timing, they might be busy with their families given the lovely spring evening. People in India might be in deep sleep. Hmm! I called my ex-boss who also happens to be my close friend lives in UK. He started straight away talking about, how Liverpool might not make it to the Champions League and his recent trip to Italy and how nice it was. Damn! It’s not at all helping and I said “will talk to you later”.
Were you in this kind of situation before? What did you do? Any guesses, at least? We just want to express how hurt, disturbed, and depressed we are and wanted to show the whole world about this. BINGO! The first victim in that kind of situations is – our friends list!, thinking what’s the use of so called “list”? Isn’t it? We just wanted to express – that’s it! I removed all my 74 friends with a single stroke ( well actually 74X3 clicks) LOL. What’s the usual next step? We delete our profile and put that screen shot as DP. LOL! Well, I didn’t go that far. What just wanted to express somehow!
I called my two best buddies Glen Livet & Royal Salute to check whether they are ready to join me. As usual they gleefully agreed but on one condition that I should pick them up. So, here I go – preparing for my weekend joy to drown all my melancholies in the company of my two best to-go buddies Glen & Royal. On the way, I picked up large bag of chips, one large pizza and added two dozens of chicken wings for a good measure. Here I am, all set to drown the weekend in binge watching and spending quality time with my two friends. Movie after movie ( The Great Battle, Prefect Game ( 6th time), Scent of Woman ( 4th time), Assassination, Brotherhood of Blades, The War Lords ) episodes after episodes ( Vincenzo), blah blah blah ..but the fucking thoughts in my mind still bothering me. Eyes started burning like hell but there is no sign of sleep gods. At last, didn’t know when I slept, woke up at 4 AM Monday morning. I can smell the stinking room with pizza crusts and the left-over chicken bones, but the good thing with my friends is – they never give me a hangover or headache.
I casually checked the work emails and there was an email with high priority on Friday “ ALL HANDS ON DECK”, everyone has to be in the office on Monday by 8 AM.- Breakfast and lunch will be served” that’s the gist of it. WTF! Why I have to be in the office? Its been ages that I went to office. What’s that high priority? Anyway fuck it, I went back to sleep keep the alarm for 7 AM.
I see lots of anxious faces as soon as I enter the office as if mourning someone’s death. Chitchatting going on over breakfast that they are some organizational changes going on and some hard decisions will be made, which can be translated into – obviously some heads will be on chopping block. I didn’t care anyway! There is an announcement that the CEO is going to address which be live telecasted. I poured some coffee and logged into the link provided for the telecast instead of sitting in the auditorium, lit my dose of smoke - started listening to the well-articulated buzz words where every CEO use. He started praising, how good we are as employees and the way we contributed for the well being of the company relentlessly, BUT(T) they have to make some hard decisions and new operational model will be announced and adapted to meet the technological challenges in order to be a head of the competition! My Foot!
He also announced that HR will be having a 1:1 meetings with the employees that are effected by this HARD decision. Okay! Face the music, let the heads roll. By the time I came back-up there was a security guard outside the HR office to control any tantrums by the effected people. One by one is being called IN. My manager, who has been a friend and guide all through for a long time patted on my shoulder and said lets walk. His face was so gloomy, I smiled its okay- spill it. He nodded – yeah, you are in the list sorry that I didn’t tell you earlier as it was confidential. I said that’s alright and walked into HR office as my name was announced.
I am all ready for the taste of all the hard decisions! No one in Hollywood can match the mannerisms and melodrama of HR people when it comes to lay off tasks. She started talking with a sad face, in spite of me being the employee of the year for three times in a row- how hard it was for her “TO LET ME GO”!!! holy fuck! I smiled but didn’t express myself, and I equally brought out my acting skills. LOL . Oh yeah I understand I said with a sad face! She went on explaining the reasons behind it and how the processes that I have implemented immensely going to help the organization grow, and the details of my severance package, and how dearly they miss my services….. blah blah blah ! MY FOOT! Though I am in this conversation, suddenly a thought struck in my mind like a lightning bolt, actually with all the enlightenment. I am all smiles, which made the HR lady confused, but I didn’t care. I got up and said the final good-bye’s and was nice working with you, send me the details I will check, as your time is precious now. I didn’t care her words, “ call me anytime if you need help”. I am full of joy, said bye to my manager and ran down flights instead of taking the elevator.
Damn! That lightning bolt! Why didn’t I think of this before? The thought that gave me joy was – “ Why can’t I fucking implement the same Human Resources Theories to the real life and especially to the situation that I had on Friday! EUREKA THAKAMIKA! Bingo “ Art of letting go”. I would re-write my entire dissertation “ Downsizing and the Tremors” that I did in my master’s where I did argue that “ There are no bad students, only bad teachers; There are no bad employees, only bad managements; There are no bad children, only bad parents”- where I added eloquently that it’s the orgnaization’s job to take care of it’s employees instead downsizing, right sizing , golden handshake ( what ever the fuck it is). I was damn wrong! I would re-write the entire hypothetical arguments in a different way now. SURVIVAL is the utmost important part.
If we have to cut down something that’s eating away, in order to survive, JUST DO IT without any fucking hesitation. When something is hindrance to the growth of good health like tonsils, appendicitis or even cancer don’t we cut it? Just to survive and fight for an other day? Don’t even remove uterus in order to survive when its need of the hour? I have never heard anyone say “ they want a baby, when it’s the choice between mother and baby, when mother is at risk of survival - when the doctor forced you to make a choice (not even in movies, unless its melodramatic) – Did you? Struggle to survive and fight it up to live – what makes life so beautiful! – LET IT GO!
I keep hearing stories and various varieties of narratives like, Oh Man! I changed even my online timings in order to spend time with her/him, but even after that he/she is not talking to me properly as before and he/she is not the same queen/king anymore. I just spend hours and hours just for one message from hm/her, he is always busy on wall but no time for me! Damn! Life is like that sweetheart! If you see the red flags, take a U-Turn – sit back and think over- even if that’s not working – cut it! Move on ! LET IT GO! Fight another day. We might have said or done all the CRINGE FEST or Public Display of Affections, everything has an expiration tag, even our birth comes with an invisible expiration date. We might have said “ Oh sweetheart you are the breath of my life, treasure of my life, you are the queen – I am the king or vice versa” – exactly like my HR did when all was rosy! But not anymore, so what we do? LET IT GO!
What a revelation and the experience and the euphoria I am going through here. Instead of being sad, I am damn happy! I lit a cigarette and felt like smoke after the soulful stoned sex! It’s so relaxing and wonderful!
Back of my mind, someone shouting with a high pitched voice, “You fucking moron! Feelings are not like human limbs to cut and douse you idiot. They are eternally platonic!” Damn! Shut the fuck up you idiot< I replied back – “It’s the same, you just need to adapt it. Oh my wonderful lesson, I embrace you! You can either be Meera Bai with full of love not expecting anything in return or Jhansi Bai fighting for the foothold of existence! There is no fucking midway in between! LET IT GO! LET IT GO!! Amen!
Anyone for coffee & smoke?
~Ekalustya
14-AUG-2023
Note: This is 40% fiction and I might edit for typos and content as I see fit at later time.
THE ART OF LETTING GO: (15 APR 2023 – 05:30 PM EST)
Again, let’s not get confused with any of the self-help books with the same title. This is all about my zozo experience on that day and in my own narrative.
Oh boy! That was the day I felt like drowned head deep and struggling to breathe. Needed some help from someone /anyone just to talk to. So I started sending messages like a SOS (lol) on wall saying “ anyone there, I need someone to talk to” not a like a spam but In fixed interval. No one in even acknowledged or didn’t care given my reputation of being a nasty guy or I might have a sounded like a desperate guy in need of some pussy! Don’t know! Anyway, whatever it is, just blame it on me. People that are well known to me, busy expressing their love to their loved ones on the wall. I was just expecting a message, which didn’t arrive. Happens!! Few people in my friends list that are online damn busy to look at my status or situation, where I didn’t want to disturb them anyway, but the urge of talking to someone not at all diminishing. Wanted to call friends in my time zone, but given the timing, they might be busy with their families given the lovely spring evening. People in India might be in deep sleep. Hmm! I called my ex-boss who also happens to be my close friend lives in UK. He started straight away talking about, how Liverpool might not make it to the Champions League and his recent trip to Italy and how nice it was. Damn! It’s not at all helping and I said “will talk to you later”.
Were you in this kind of situation before? What did you do? Any guesses, at least? We just want to express how hurt, disturbed, and depressed we are and wanted to show the whole world about this. BINGO! The first victim in that kind of situations is – our friends list!, thinking what’s the use of so called “list”? Isn’t it? We just wanted to express – that’s it! I removed all my 74 friends with a single stroke ( well actually 74X3 clicks) LOL. What’s the usual next step? We delete our profile and put that screen shot as DP. LOL! Well, I didn’t go that far. What just wanted to express somehow!
I called my two best buddies Glen Livet & Royal Salute to check whether they are ready to join me. As usual they gleefully agreed but on one condition that I should pick them up. So, here I go – preparing for my weekend joy to drown all my melancholies in the company of my two best to-go buddies Glen & Royal. On the way, I picked up large bag of chips, one large pizza and added two dozens of chicken wings for a good measure. Here I am, all set to drown the weekend in binge watching and spending quality time with my two friends. Movie after movie ( The Great Battle, Prefect Game ( 6th time), Scent of Woman ( 4th time), Assassination, Brotherhood of Blades, The War Lords ) episodes after episodes ( Vincenzo), blah blah blah ..but the fucking thoughts in my mind still bothering me. Eyes started burning like hell but there is no sign of sleep gods. At last, didn’t know when I slept, woke up at 4 AM Monday morning. I can smell the stinking room with pizza crusts and the left-over chicken bones, but the good thing with my friends is – they never give me a hangover or headache.
I casually checked the work emails and there was an email with high priority on Friday “ ALL HANDS ON DECK”, everyone has to be in the office on Monday by 8 AM.- Breakfast and lunch will be served” that’s the gist of it. WTF! Why I have to be in the office? Its been ages that I went to office. What’s that high priority? Anyway fuck it, I went back to sleep keep the alarm for 7 AM.
I see lots of anxious faces as soon as I enter the office as if mourning someone’s death. Chitchatting going on over breakfast that they are some organizational changes going on and some hard decisions will be made, which can be translated into – obviously some heads will be on chopping block. I didn’t care anyway! There is an announcement that the CEO is going to address which be live telecasted. I poured some coffee and logged into the link provided for the telecast instead of sitting in the auditorium, lit my dose of smoke - started listening to the well-articulated buzz words where every CEO use. He started praising, how good we are as employees and the way we contributed for the well being of the company relentlessly, BUT(T) they have to make some hard decisions and new operational model will be announced and adapted to meet the technological challenges in order to be a head of the competition! My Foot!
He also announced that HR will be having a 1:1 meetings with the employees that are effected by this HARD decision. Okay! Face the music, let the heads roll. By the time I came back-up there was a security guard outside the HR office to control any tantrums by the effected people. One by one is being called IN. My manager, who has been a friend and guide all through for a long time patted on my shoulder and said lets walk. His face was so gloomy, I smiled its okay- spill it. He nodded – yeah, you are in the list sorry that I didn’t tell you earlier as it was confidential. I said that’s alright and walked into HR office as my name was announced.
I am all ready for the taste of all the hard decisions! No one in Hollywood can match the mannerisms and melodrama of HR people when it comes to lay off tasks. She started talking with a sad face, in spite of me being the employee of the year for three times in a row- how hard it was for her “TO LET ME GO”!!! holy fuck! I smiled but didn’t express myself, and I equally brought out my acting skills. LOL . Oh yeah I understand I said with a sad face! She went on explaining the reasons behind it and how the processes that I have implemented immensely going to help the organization grow, and the details of my severance package, and how dearly they miss my services….. blah blah blah ! MY FOOT! Though I am in this conversation, suddenly a thought struck in my mind like a lightning bolt, actually with all the enlightenment. I am all smiles, which made the HR lady confused, but I didn’t care. I got up and said the final good-bye’s and was nice working with you, send me the details I will check, as your time is precious now. I didn’t care her words, “ call me anytime if you need help”. I am full of joy, said bye to my manager and ran down flights instead of taking the elevator.
Damn! That lightning bolt! Why didn’t I think of this before? The thought that gave me joy was – “ Why can’t I fucking implement the same Human Resources Theories to the real life and especially to the situation that I had on Friday! EUREKA THAKAMIKA! Bingo “ Art of letting go”. I would re-write my entire dissertation “ Downsizing and the Tremors” that I did in my master’s where I did argue that “ There are no bad students, only bad teachers; There are no bad employees, only bad managements; There are no bad children, only bad parents”- where I added eloquently that it’s the orgnaization’s job to take care of it’s employees instead downsizing, right sizing , golden handshake ( what ever the fuck it is). I was damn wrong! I would re-write the entire hypothetical arguments in a different way now. SURVIVAL is the utmost important part.
If we have to cut down something that’s eating away, in order to survive, JUST DO IT without any fucking hesitation. When something is hindrance to the growth of good health like tonsils, appendicitis or even cancer don’t we cut it? Just to survive and fight for an other day? Don’t even remove uterus in order to survive when its need of the hour? I have never heard anyone say “ they want a baby, when it’s the choice between mother and baby, when mother is at risk of survival - when the doctor forced you to make a choice (not even in movies, unless its melodramatic) – Did you? Struggle to survive and fight it up to live – what makes life so beautiful! – LET IT GO!
I keep hearing stories and various varieties of narratives like, Oh Man! I changed even my online timings in order to spend time with her/him, but even after that he/she is not talking to me properly as before and he/she is not the same queen/king anymore. I just spend hours and hours just for one message from hm/her, he is always busy on wall but no time for me! Damn! Life is like that sweetheart! If you see the red flags, take a U-Turn – sit back and think over- even if that’s not working – cut it! Move on ! LET IT GO! Fight another day. We might have said or done all the CRINGE FEST or Public Display of Affections, everything has an expiration tag, even our birth comes with an invisible expiration date. We might have said “ Oh sweetheart you are the breath of my life, treasure of my life, you are the queen – I am the king or vice versa” – exactly like my HR did when all was rosy! But not anymore, so what we do? LET IT GO!
What a revelation and the experience and the euphoria I am going through here. Instead of being sad, I am damn happy! I lit a cigarette and felt like smoke after the soulful stoned sex! It’s so relaxing and wonderful!
Back of my mind, someone shouting with a high pitched voice, “You fucking moron! Feelings are not like human limbs to cut and douse you idiot. They are eternally platonic!” Damn! Shut the fuck up you idiot< I replied back – “It’s the same, you just need to adapt it. Oh my wonderful lesson, I embrace you! You can either be Meera Bai with full of love not expecting anything in return or Jhansi Bai fighting for the foothold of existence! There is no fucking midway in between! LET IT GO! LET IT GO!! Amen!
Anyone for coffee & smoke?
~Ekalustya
14-AUG-2023
Note: This is 40% fiction and I might edit for typos and content as I see fit at later time.
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