You always insist on meeting me , and I always give away excuses not to meet you ...you know these all are excuses because who apart from you can know me better .. yet you insist on meeting ..
How does the thought of meeting me again doesn't scare you like it scares me .. how do you think that Either of us would be able to handle things easier ..yes we have met after we parted ways .. yes we have spoken but meeting you in solitary is something I cannot do .. not that I don't have control over my physical carving no it's not that .. it's the emotional baggage it's the thoughts of you that I have been fighting sleepless every night and if i ever meet you again and if you ever say those words that we spoke over the phone I would be fucked up . I would be back to point zero .. atleast now I am trying to get over you with my made up busy life and all those distraction and if we meet again I am sure I wouldn't be able to come out of it ..
Do you think I hate you because you left me ? No it isn't hate , it is me protecting me from the biggest challenge of my life. I couldn't get over you .. I couldn't stop thinking about our time together and I couldn't move on .. I live life as a man defeated ..I have made huge efforts to stop goin back to the past and meeting you would put all the efforts to vain ..
I wish I could explain this to you and make you understand but I still couldn't find the courage to say a straight no to you .. yeah I have never said no to you .. so making up excuses after excuses until you grow tired of my excuses.
My friends and well wishers who knows about us even our mutual friends all they advice is to simply block you and move on .. I still couldn't figure out how it's simple.. and some go on to say that I would be called a family breaker and cheaper names when things go wary .. do you want all this without doing nothing wrong they ask me .. there is no use in talking to you about this matter some say and someone even said you have grown like a buffalo but still you are soft (eruma mathi valunthu iruka ana ivalo soft uh nee ) they even stop talking to me because I'm not blocking you .. but for me it's not that easy and hope they understand me like you will understand my excuses ..
Lastly i realise that they are correct I am soft and I don't have the courage to either block you or tell all this to you and importantly I don't want you to know I am avoiding you on purpose ..I sound like a hypocrite when I think I am avoiding you but I don't want you to know .. hypocrite, softy,loser, family breaker i got lot of names to address me .. yes and no courage to even post it on social media so posting it in a totally irrelevant forum for us which you aren't even aware of
I have been trying different ways to get over you and i will surely meet you when I get over you ..
How does the thought of meeting me again doesn't scare you like it scares me .. how do you think that Either of us would be able to handle things easier ..yes we have met after we parted ways .. yes we have spoken but meeting you in solitary is something I cannot do .. not that I don't have control over my physical carving no it's not that .. it's the emotional baggage it's the thoughts of you that I have been fighting sleepless every night and if i ever meet you again and if you ever say those words that we spoke over the phone I would be fucked up . I would be back to point zero .. atleast now I am trying to get over you with my made up busy life and all those distraction and if we meet again I am sure I wouldn't be able to come out of it ..
Do you think I hate you because you left me ? No it isn't hate , it is me protecting me from the biggest challenge of my life. I couldn't get over you .. I couldn't stop thinking about our time together and I couldn't move on .. I live life as a man defeated ..I have made huge efforts to stop goin back to the past and meeting you would put all the efforts to vain ..
I wish I could explain this to you and make you understand but I still couldn't find the courage to say a straight no to you .. yeah I have never said no to you .. so making up excuses after excuses until you grow tired of my excuses.
My friends and well wishers who knows about us even our mutual friends all they advice is to simply block you and move on .. I still couldn't figure out how it's simple.. and some go on to say that I would be called a family breaker and cheaper names when things go wary .. do you want all this without doing nothing wrong they ask me .. there is no use in talking to you about this matter some say and someone even said you have grown like a buffalo but still you are soft (eruma mathi valunthu iruka ana ivalo soft uh nee ) they even stop talking to me because I'm not blocking you .. but for me it's not that easy and hope they understand me like you will understand my excuses ..
Lastly i realise that they are correct I am soft and I don't have the courage to either block you or tell all this to you and importantly I don't want you to know I am avoiding you on purpose ..I sound like a hypocrite when I think I am avoiding you but I don't want you to know .. hypocrite, softy,loser, family breaker i got lot of names to address me .. yes and no courage to even post it on social media so posting it in a totally irrelevant forum for us which you aren't even aware of
I have been trying different ways to get over you and i will surely meet you when I get over you ..
I still remember those late night convos! 
