It's raining cats and dogs at 6am and I'm remembering the very reason for which i landed here in zozo.
You.
How long had it been, an year?
I want to call you, hear your voice once again. But i don't want to stalk you on facebook and stare at your teenager pic in profile with this dull thudding ache in my heart as I'm doing now.
The past days of travelling alone and hiking up a mountain to seek some semblance of peace couldn't have led up to this? To crying over a past?
I'll allow myself this moment of delusion: "We rented an apartment together, delhi since you're married to your job there. You wake up next to me and as promised a decade ago we hit the gym, cook together and have a battle of wits because that never ends with you. When you blow up like a short fuse, i don't back down either. But your crazy doe eyes lose the fight quick and we're adulting each day again...hot sex in showers and you feeling so attached it makes you want to cry but it only makes you avoid your feelings and I.. and now look who's crying, me!
This sounds exhausting already.
But you show up reliable, level headed, opinionated when it matters. Always a keeper upper, getting the chores done, work done - like a cog in the machine.
I bring the warmth, you set the table."
Im not describing my ideal guy here, this was all you. And because i loved you (not an ideal), i could only imagine us together realistically.
I can't think of myself "doing a family" with anyone else anymore. Simply because, I can't remember a time i loved anyone else so hopelessly.
I'm not afraid of living life alone (i don't look forward to it)...
I'm afraid of you haunting my 6am thoughts till the day i die.
You.
How long had it been, an year?
I want to call you, hear your voice once again. But i don't want to stalk you on facebook and stare at your teenager pic in profile with this dull thudding ache in my heart as I'm doing now.
The past days of travelling alone and hiking up a mountain to seek some semblance of peace couldn't have led up to this? To crying over a past?
I'll allow myself this moment of delusion: "We rented an apartment together, delhi since you're married to your job there. You wake up next to me and as promised a decade ago we hit the gym, cook together and have a battle of wits because that never ends with you. When you blow up like a short fuse, i don't back down either. But your crazy doe eyes lose the fight quick and we're adulting each day again...hot sex in showers and you feeling so attached it makes you want to cry but it only makes you avoid your feelings and I.. and now look who's crying, me!
This sounds exhausting already.
But you show up reliable, level headed, opinionated when it matters. Always a keeper upper, getting the chores done, work done - like a cog in the machine.
I bring the warmth, you set the table."
Im not describing my ideal guy here, this was all you. And because i loved you (not an ideal), i could only imagine us together realistically.
I can't think of myself "doing a family" with anyone else anymore. Simply because, I can't remember a time i loved anyone else so hopelessly.
I'm not afraid of living life alone (i don't look forward to it)...
I'm afraid of you haunting my 6am thoughts till the day i die.
