Before I start, I just wanna say that if you guys wanna share your views, experiences, etc, that's fine but please no sympathy msgs. Also, this thread isn't for the people who want to reply just to increase their score. I hope whoever reads it, understands it. This is gonna be super long. At first, I thought of making few threads, but posting it all at once as it is related.
Why am I posting this ?
For seeking attention, sympathy - Nope, not interested in that all. I personally have experienced all this and some of the people Ik have experienced, experiencing it, so just wanna express about it, I just wanted to vent out coz Idk where else to pour my heart out right now.
Also, there are some people posting threads about depression, sadness, non toxicity this that, just for gaining sympathy, doing wrong to others and then acting like they have been wronged. I have ntg against these people but if the person who did wrong to me is reading this thread, then kindly read every word till the end.
Some people will be like why is she posting her personal stories - These aren't just my stories, many girls as well as guys have faced, facing the same, doing the same. Also, I would like to make it clear, no hate to any specific gender. Won't mention any names as I don't want any drama..
I thought of leaving Zozo permanently, had left chatside too but smtg happened, couldn't control myself and came back. Will share this.. but before that
Back in 2019, when I came to Zozo, I was naive, innocent, trusted people easily, helpful, polite. And in real too, I was same. The difference was I was / still am an introvert in real. I don't have male friends in real, can't talk with guys, nobody even looks at me coz I'm too "ugly" for them. Yeah, ugly ! So ugly that when I sit next to someone they make faces as if they are sitting next to trash, being body shamed since childhood. So, in real I wasn't able to open up with people. When I came to Zozo, a virtual world, I felt good, comfortable as there were so many people to talk but me being stupid used to give away my stuff easily.
There was a guy let's call him Gullu (not using his real username to avoid drama). Gullu used to chat well with me, got connected, I shared my personal stuff, contact no, etc. I was just 20 back then. And he used to share care at times, tell me that he likes me (we were not in a relationship as such), but he used to dom me. Dom in the sense that I should do what he says. I shouldn't talk with the people he asks me not to. I should let him sext the way he wants, share nudes, etc. And he used to get so angry if I didn't do anything that he says. I used to cry, and he was like sorry - he makes me cry coz he likes me. I couldn't say no to him. One day, I just gathered the strength and I said NO, I don't wanna talk with him anymore. I stopped talking to him. After some days an abuser (not Gullu) comes and says something to which only Gullu knew. I understood that he indirectly was trying to blackmail me. I was scared of him, a lot. He hae my name, contact, pics, nudes too. I was so scared to be online in his presence, I used to just run away, didn't blackmail directly but those indirect taunts of doing so. I left Zozo for some days and then he vanished, Idk his new nick.
Then, I was in relationship with a Zozo guy in 2021 which I have already shared in a thread earlier. His username was Mr Anonymous (The person who uses this nick now is a completely different person), let's call him Anon. I met him on 17 January, 2021. And within a week, on 24 January, 2021 I saw smtg on his phone that made me feel like he's cheating, he started giving explanation for smtg I didn't ask which further made me believe more but still I was like no Aayu, you are overthinking.
The first time we tried making out, I gave my consent, he didn't force on me but he knew I was nervous, I was uncomfortable. And I thought it's okay coz I'll be marrying him.
He stopped when I asked him to but all this changed his behaviour, I couldn't fulfill his sexual needs, I knew he was doing things with others and ig I thought it was okay coz I'm not satisfying him. I didn't show Ik though. His behaviour changed a lot, fights this that, blame game, he fought enough to make me leave but I didn't.
I should have left when he didn't share this things with me. I should have left when he lied to me. I should have left when I understood he was cheating on me. I should have left when he touched me inappropriately. I didn't. I stayed fuckin loyal, I thought he would trust me, understand me, love me someday, he wasn't. Instead of leaving him, I chatted with random people (had left Zozo), during anxiety attacks, felt better with their fake care and ended up getting sexual with them (This fake care guy also was cheating, trying on 3 girls at a time). Instead of breaking up with Anon, I ended up in cheating on him. I didn't share this part in my thread earlier. He didn't know, but now he will know. I honestly don't feel guilty about it, not even a bit. I only feel guilt strongly for the people I mentioned in my confessions thread earlier, nobody else. I didn't do wrong to anyone except these people who were dear to me, they forgave but still can't shake off guilt completely.
In 2023, I was in relationship with @SPIRIT . Spirit, you are the nicest guy here, you aren't like these toxic, shitty guys. You're a good person, but I had to leave you, you know why. No matter what, please continue to be kind.
So, some days ago, (Not on Zozo). I met someone on chat (not in real), let's call him Chingu. And Chingu was just perfect, kind of guy I always wanted as a partner. After failed relationships, all the bad experiences, I was falling for him, he was that kind of guy, I thought umm may be he's the one. He used to make me smile, laugh. He was intelligent, smart, good sense of humour, childish only in my pm. I loved spending time with him. One day, a profile pops up in my suggestion on Insta. Saw his pets so clicked on it, and I saw a girl at his home, in his room, on his bed, in his arms. That girl posting reels from his room, his arms. When I asked about it, I was being blamed for asking, hahaha. Shitty me couldn't even showed anger on him, I wasn't angry at all, Just hurt and Numb. After all those experiences how could I even believe someone again, believe that somebody likes me.
People have changed their way of talking, stopped talking to me after looking at my pic, coz I'm too "ugly" for them. People have stopped talking to me for saying no to sext, for not being their sub and following their orders. People have mocked, defamed, abused, blackmailed for not fulfilling their demands. Even after all this how could I believe Chingu liked me, how could I ?
And the people who defamed, abused, blackmailed aren't the abuser guys, but the super super known saints on Zozo, many people's crush, brother or best friend.
XYZ super saint guy defamed me, made people abuse me (as he can't do coz of his saint reputation) coz I rejected him and chose Spirit back then. His so called sister saw everything yet but never felt like telling him to stop.
ABC saint guy sexted with me. Sexting is okay, but demanding sext every single time I was online, and taunting saying things to me coz I wasn't ready to fuck with him all the time. People won't even believe me if I take his name. Tried explaining him but nah according to him I just fuck with guys every single time I'm online.
PQR guy, he brought my personal info on wall. I didn't react, I cried but I didn't say anything to him, not a single word. His best friend saw everything happening with her eyes but nah he's still a good guy for her.
Even after XYZ, PQR, ABC, Gullu, Anon and all the shitty experiences I haven't even mentioned here, I was falling for Chingu, how could I ?
AM I JUST A FUCKIN SEX TOY ????????
I'm not beautiful enough to be someone's girlfriend, not pretty enough to be someone's love, but vulnerable enough to be used as a sex toy ? Somewhere in my mind it's stuck that if I don't do what the guy likes, he's gonna leave, he's gonna be with someone else. There were times when I didn't wanted to do things, both in virtual and real, but I just couldn't say no. There were times I should have left but I stayed. I thought that the suffering was okay coz if I let him go, I'll suffer more, it was okay to stay with all the disrespect and shitty treatment.
People with whom I had chats here, both male and female, I have been with almost everyone when they felt low. Stayed till they felt okay, continuously checked on them. I have been with so many people from different rooms. (Some people have helped me too by staying). But nope, I don't expect them to stay in return nor do I want them to appreciate me in return. I just don't wanna get falsely defamed and abused coz of their girls / guys / rejection to them or whatever other reason, just leave me alone.
The girl who did wrong to me - I don't wanna tell others what you did, I don't wish someone else to do wrong with you. Yes, I don't like you as a person but there's no hatred for you in my heart. I feel bad for you, I feel pity. The way you are behaving and doing things on forum and chatside, I understand why, you seek attention, care, love - Trust me, you'll surely get attention but it's just for some months or few years at max. You'll end up feeling terrible after that. Doing things to please others gives others pleasure, what about yourself ? I hope you think about it positively and take care of yourself.
Couple of months ago, was having a chat with someone, a random co chatter, jisse Ig I had a chat twice bas. He was feeling low, we had chat for like 3-4 hours, and then he was okay, I was about to leave. He directly started asking to someone else for a pm. I was like, wasn't I enough ? I stayed, I tried comforting you, I was making sure if you're okay, wasn't that enough ? I fought with him that how could he ask someone else. I didn't have a problem of him chatting with other girl, coz of all the experiences I was just like - Aren't I enough ?
Am I just for TP ?? Am I just a fuckin sex toy ??
We do things to make someone stay, we let someone force upon us, we lose self respect, we stay silent, we suffer and even after all this "We Wait". We wait with a "Hope". Hope that the person might change, the person might explain, the person might say sorry, the person might come back. I had a hope that Chingu might apologize and tell me oh that girl is nobody, he'll prove she's a nobody, not his wife, his GF or ex or whatever and he really likes me. This is called being a ******. Don't be pathetic like me, pathetic weak.
Some of my closest ones have similar experiences, male and female too. We always think don't we that we are pathetic weak, we had hope, right ? And what has that given us ?
The guys who did wrong to us, where are they ? What are they doing ? Busy with their work, enjoying with their partners, partying, having shots over shots. What about us ? Meds over meds, attacks over attacks ? Why, coz we are not good enough ? Coz we are pathetic, weak and ugly ? Are we ?
My girls (some guys too) - It's not your fault, you liked him, you loved him, you trusted him. You can't change things that happened. But you have to let that go, I have to let things go. Ik it's not easy, not at all. How long are we gonna blame ourselves and make ourselves vulnerable ? Make them disrespect us, use us ?
Idk what to say anymore, I'll edit thread laters..
Why am I posting this ?
For seeking attention, sympathy - Nope, not interested in that all. I personally have experienced all this and some of the people Ik have experienced, experiencing it, so just wanna express about it, I just wanted to vent out coz Idk where else to pour my heart out right now.
Also, there are some people posting threads about depression, sadness, non toxicity this that, just for gaining sympathy, doing wrong to others and then acting like they have been wronged. I have ntg against these people but if the person who did wrong to me is reading this thread, then kindly read every word till the end.
Some people will be like why is she posting her personal stories - These aren't just my stories, many girls as well as guys have faced, facing the same, doing the same. Also, I would like to make it clear, no hate to any specific gender. Won't mention any names as I don't want any drama..
I thought of leaving Zozo permanently, had left chatside too but smtg happened, couldn't control myself and came back. Will share this.. but before that
Back in 2019, when I came to Zozo, I was naive, innocent, trusted people easily, helpful, polite. And in real too, I was same. The difference was I was / still am an introvert in real. I don't have male friends in real, can't talk with guys, nobody even looks at me coz I'm too "ugly" for them. Yeah, ugly ! So ugly that when I sit next to someone they make faces as if they are sitting next to trash, being body shamed since childhood. So, in real I wasn't able to open up with people. When I came to Zozo, a virtual world, I felt good, comfortable as there were so many people to talk but me being stupid used to give away my stuff easily.
There was a guy let's call him Gullu (not using his real username to avoid drama). Gullu used to chat well with me, got connected, I shared my personal stuff, contact no, etc. I was just 20 back then. And he used to share care at times, tell me that he likes me (we were not in a relationship as such), but he used to dom me. Dom in the sense that I should do what he says. I shouldn't talk with the people he asks me not to. I should let him sext the way he wants, share nudes, etc. And he used to get so angry if I didn't do anything that he says. I used to cry, and he was like sorry - he makes me cry coz he likes me. I couldn't say no to him. One day, I just gathered the strength and I said NO, I don't wanna talk with him anymore. I stopped talking to him. After some days an abuser (not Gullu) comes and says something to which only Gullu knew. I understood that he indirectly was trying to blackmail me. I was scared of him, a lot. He hae my name, contact, pics, nudes too. I was so scared to be online in his presence, I used to just run away, didn't blackmail directly but those indirect taunts of doing so. I left Zozo for some days and then he vanished, Idk his new nick.
Then, I was in relationship with a Zozo guy in 2021 which I have already shared in a thread earlier. His username was Mr Anonymous (The person who uses this nick now is a completely different person), let's call him Anon. I met him on 17 January, 2021. And within a week, on 24 January, 2021 I saw smtg on his phone that made me feel like he's cheating, he started giving explanation for smtg I didn't ask which further made me believe more but still I was like no Aayu, you are overthinking.
The first time we tried making out, I gave my consent, he didn't force on me but he knew I was nervous, I was uncomfortable. And I thought it's okay coz I'll be marrying him.
He stopped when I asked him to but all this changed his behaviour, I couldn't fulfill his sexual needs, I knew he was doing things with others and ig I thought it was okay coz I'm not satisfying him. I didn't show Ik though. His behaviour changed a lot, fights this that, blame game, he fought enough to make me leave but I didn't.
I should have left when he didn't share this things with me. I should have left when he lied to me. I should have left when I understood he was cheating on me. I should have left when he touched me inappropriately. I didn't. I stayed fuckin loyal, I thought he would trust me, understand me, love me someday, he wasn't. Instead of leaving him, I chatted with random people (had left Zozo), during anxiety attacks, felt better with their fake care and ended up getting sexual with them (This fake care guy also was cheating, trying on 3 girls at a time). Instead of breaking up with Anon, I ended up in cheating on him. I didn't share this part in my thread earlier. He didn't know, but now he will know. I honestly don't feel guilty about it, not even a bit. I only feel guilt strongly for the people I mentioned in my confessions thread earlier, nobody else. I didn't do wrong to anyone except these people who were dear to me, they forgave but still can't shake off guilt completely.
In 2023, I was in relationship with @SPIRIT . Spirit, you are the nicest guy here, you aren't like these toxic, shitty guys. You're a good person, but I had to leave you, you know why. No matter what, please continue to be kind.
So, some days ago, (Not on Zozo). I met someone on chat (not in real), let's call him Chingu. And Chingu was just perfect, kind of guy I always wanted as a partner. After failed relationships, all the bad experiences, I was falling for him, he was that kind of guy, I thought umm may be he's the one. He used to make me smile, laugh. He was intelligent, smart, good sense of humour, childish only in my pm. I loved spending time with him. One day, a profile pops up in my suggestion on Insta. Saw his pets so clicked on it, and I saw a girl at his home, in his room, on his bed, in his arms. That girl posting reels from his room, his arms. When I asked about it, I was being blamed for asking, hahaha. Shitty me couldn't even showed anger on him, I wasn't angry at all, Just hurt and Numb. After all those experiences how could I even believe someone again, believe that somebody likes me.
People have changed their way of talking, stopped talking to me after looking at my pic, coz I'm too "ugly" for them. People have stopped talking to me for saying no to sext, for not being their sub and following their orders. People have mocked, defamed, abused, blackmailed for not fulfilling their demands. Even after all this how could I believe Chingu liked me, how could I ?
And the people who defamed, abused, blackmailed aren't the abuser guys, but the super super known saints on Zozo, many people's crush, brother or best friend.
XYZ super saint guy defamed me, made people abuse me (as he can't do coz of his saint reputation) coz I rejected him and chose Spirit back then. His so called sister saw everything yet but never felt like telling him to stop.
ABC saint guy sexted with me. Sexting is okay, but demanding sext every single time I was online, and taunting saying things to me coz I wasn't ready to fuck with him all the time. People won't even believe me if I take his name. Tried explaining him but nah according to him I just fuck with guys every single time I'm online.
PQR guy, he brought my personal info on wall. I didn't react, I cried but I didn't say anything to him, not a single word. His best friend saw everything happening with her eyes but nah he's still a good guy for her.
Even after XYZ, PQR, ABC, Gullu, Anon and all the shitty experiences I haven't even mentioned here, I was falling for Chingu, how could I ?
AM I JUST A FUCKIN SEX TOY ????????
I'm not beautiful enough to be someone's girlfriend, not pretty enough to be someone's love, but vulnerable enough to be used as a sex toy ? Somewhere in my mind it's stuck that if I don't do what the guy likes, he's gonna leave, he's gonna be with someone else. There were times when I didn't wanted to do things, both in virtual and real, but I just couldn't say no. There were times I should have left but I stayed. I thought that the suffering was okay coz if I let him go, I'll suffer more, it was okay to stay with all the disrespect and shitty treatment.
People with whom I had chats here, both male and female, I have been with almost everyone when they felt low. Stayed till they felt okay, continuously checked on them. I have been with so many people from different rooms. (Some people have helped me too by staying). But nope, I don't expect them to stay in return nor do I want them to appreciate me in return. I just don't wanna get falsely defamed and abused coz of their girls / guys / rejection to them or whatever other reason, just leave me alone.
The girl who did wrong to me - I don't wanna tell others what you did, I don't wish someone else to do wrong with you. Yes, I don't like you as a person but there's no hatred for you in my heart. I feel bad for you, I feel pity. The way you are behaving and doing things on forum and chatside, I understand why, you seek attention, care, love - Trust me, you'll surely get attention but it's just for some months or few years at max. You'll end up feeling terrible after that. Doing things to please others gives others pleasure, what about yourself ? I hope you think about it positively and take care of yourself.
Couple of months ago, was having a chat with someone, a random co chatter, jisse Ig I had a chat twice bas. He was feeling low, we had chat for like 3-4 hours, and then he was okay, I was about to leave. He directly started asking to someone else for a pm. I was like, wasn't I enough ? I stayed, I tried comforting you, I was making sure if you're okay, wasn't that enough ? I fought with him that how could he ask someone else. I didn't have a problem of him chatting with other girl, coz of all the experiences I was just like - Aren't I enough ?
Am I just for TP ?? Am I just a fuckin sex toy ??
We do things to make someone stay, we let someone force upon us, we lose self respect, we stay silent, we suffer and even after all this "We Wait". We wait with a "Hope". Hope that the person might change, the person might explain, the person might say sorry, the person might come back. I had a hope that Chingu might apologize and tell me oh that girl is nobody, he'll prove she's a nobody, not his wife, his GF or ex or whatever and he really likes me. This is called being a ******. Don't be pathetic like me, pathetic weak.
Some of my closest ones have similar experiences, male and female too. We always think don't we that we are pathetic weak, we had hope, right ? And what has that given us ?
The guys who did wrong to us, where are they ? What are they doing ? Busy with their work, enjoying with their partners, partying, having shots over shots. What about us ? Meds over meds, attacks over attacks ? Why, coz we are not good enough ? Coz we are pathetic, weak and ugly ? Are we ?
My girls (some guys too) - It's not your fault, you liked him, you loved him, you trusted him. You can't change things that happened. But you have to let that go, I have to let things go. Ik it's not easy, not at all. How long are we gonna blame ourselves and make ourselves vulnerable ? Make them disrespect us, use us ?
Idk what to say anymore, I'll edit thread laters..
