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What is BDSM?

D

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When we hear or read about BDSM the first thing that comes to mind is that famous movie based on the book trilogy 50 Shades of Grey. Well although the book and the movie franchise did help popularize it in a way, BDSM has been a thing for quite a while, dating back from the IX century BC on Etruscan engravings that portray some of the BDSM practices. So as you can see it's not a thing that just started, but it's a whole world and culture that has existed for a very long time and has always been a secret part of society, since its practices/fetishes were misunderstood and considered against christian principles and so on.

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Etruscan graving showing a
flagellation scene

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19th or 18th century illustration showing flagellation scene

It's sort of a dark world, surrounded by judgement, but is far from being as bad as people think it is. It's a whole new universe in which some cases pain is equal pleasure, and that just "playing a little rough" does not expresses how far people who enjoy it are willing to go in order to accomplish their fantasies.

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BDSM is a full world of kinky and glamour, role-playing, latex, whips, cuffs, blindfolds, ropes, high heels etc... But what does it mean? BDSM stands for: B&D (bondage and discipline), D&S (dominance and submission) S&M (sadism and masochism).

Bondage: being tied up or restrained for the purposes of erotic enjoyment, aesthetic display, or somatosensory stimulation. This can include, rope, tape, stocking, ties, or anything that renders the person immobile. And yes the pink furry handcuffs count ;)

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Discipline: Using rules and punishments to control or correct behavior. It might sound scary (like getting caught jerking off in a church by a nun ... or 10 of them), but this can be exercised in any degree you can imagine -- but only in degrees you consent to. Punishments are always discussed and agreed upon ahead of time. It can include: lectures, physical pain, humiliation (e.g. standing in the corner, naked), psychological punishments, loss of freedom (e.g. losing your computer or phone privileges)

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Dominance&Submission: The power exchange between two people. One having control over the others actions. It can be done over the phone, email, text, or in person. If you hear the word “Switch”, it means the person goes both ways – dominant and submissive.

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Sadism&Masochism: This is where we get the S&M (although SM or S/M is the more commonly used acronym). The pleasure derived from giving or receiving pain or humiliation. Not to be confused with the other usage of someone with cruel intentions. Aka. Assholes.

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This is a brief explanation of what BDSM is. It's a vast kinky world where you can find and try everything and anything.

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Very good research Gaia, and of course probably the most well known sadist was Marquis de Sade.
Yeah I know, but then historical part would get wayyyy too long lol wanted to keep it short lol
 
What most people fail to see is the level of trust a D/s have with each other. The communication in a D/s relationship is, in my own experience, on a higher level and more defined. Things should always be clearly discussed beforehand. Again this is my experience, but for some Doms, it's not the actual physical "act" that is what excites them but the control aspect and trust he sub has in Him. A D/s relationship does not mean the sub has no voice. The submissive is generally the one that has the power in the relationship as their "limits" define sessions.

Another misconception that I want to address is that a Dom does not care for his sub or is not loving toward his sub. A Dom gives just as much thought and care to their sub as a man in a vanilla relationship, and at times even more. Living the lifestyle does not mean being tied up and beaten 24 hours a day. The D/s lifestyle is about pushing limits and making each other stronger, knowing when to push those limits, when to slow down, and for the sub being allowed to tap out when they are at their limit without judgment or fear of anger from their Dom. The D/s lifestyle is about balance and making each other stronger.

Yes, there are good and bad relationships inside the BDSM community, as there are in all relationship types. If you are getting into the lifesyle make sure you know and stick to your hard limits, don't jump at the first man that says he is a Dom, and don't compromise what you feel is right for you.
 
definitely search out a dom that listens and understands your limits, wants and needs. to submit is to be vulnerable, and you want to share that vulnerability with someone you feel you can trust with it. cg's hit it on the nose above tho c:
 
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