It's not like I don believe in love or something...Of course I do.. I always believe that if there's light, there has to be darkness too...And also believe that if love can heal, it can also destroy..
I'm not saying that Love don exist and all but ya I'm just scared…Not of love itself, but of what it does to me...Bcz once, I loved someone with everything I had...I gave them all of me, my trust, my warmth, my soul even I exposed myself every other way...And when it ended, it didn't just break my heart,
It broke me!!There were nights I cried till my chest hurt... I hid my tears behind the pillow so my family wouldn't hear... And I smiled in the morning like nothing happened,
but every night I fell apart again..and nobody came to console me..U knw, crying sometimes helps...It makes u feel lighter, even if just for a moment.
But the real pain, is when u have to hide those tears behind a smile.
When u want to scream, but instead you laugh, pretending everything's fine...That's what hurts the most.
That's what I feel at every single time.
I've fought thoughts I never wanted to have the kind that whisper, "it'd be easier if u just stopped existing."
But I didn't stop...I stayed. I survived... But it was never easy... It took a lotta time to heal myself... To bring myself out from that zone but still a part of me still thr... Nowadays people say,
" I won't change...But they do...They always do!!And I… I don have the strength anymore to watch someone turn into a stranger... So now I protect my heart...Call me selfish, but I think about myself first...I build walls, not because I hate love but because I don't want to bleed again... And suffer!!
Ofc I still care i feel for some person But I'm scared..Scared that if I love again, I'll have to learn how to survive all over again... And I can't!!!
I'm not saying that Love don exist and all but ya I'm just scared…Not of love itself, but of what it does to me...Bcz once, I loved someone with everything I had...I gave them all of me, my trust, my warmth, my soul even I exposed myself every other way...And when it ended, it didn't just break my heart,
It broke me!!There were nights I cried till my chest hurt... I hid my tears behind the pillow so my family wouldn't hear... And I smiled in the morning like nothing happened,
but every night I fell apart again..and nobody came to console me..U knw, crying sometimes helps...It makes u feel lighter, even if just for a moment.
But the real pain, is when u have to hide those tears behind a smile.
When u want to scream, but instead you laugh, pretending everything's fine...That's what hurts the most.
That's what I feel at every single time.
I've fought thoughts I never wanted to have the kind that whisper, "it'd be easier if u just stopped existing."
But I didn't stop...I stayed. I survived... But it was never easy... It took a lotta time to heal myself... To bring myself out from that zone but still a part of me still thr... Nowadays people say,
" I won't change...But they do...They always do!!And I… I don have the strength anymore to watch someone turn into a stranger... So now I protect my heart...Call me selfish, but I think about myself first...I build walls, not because I hate love but because I don't want to bleed again... And suffer!!
Ofc I still care i feel for some person But I'm scared..Scared that if I love again, I'll have to learn how to survive all over again... And I can't!!!
