There are things I should have said when I had the chance. I know that now, maybe too late. This isn’t some dramatic confession or some deep emotional post meant to make people feel bad. It’s just... me finally saying what I never did. To the people who were there somewhere when I was falling apart, to the ones who reached out, waited, checked in, cared .. this is for all of you.
You didn’t have to do what you did. You didn’t owe me anything, but still, you all cared. Even when I changed my name and tried to disappear, some of you still looked for me. That says everything about who you were. And what did I do? I ignored you. I disappeared. I let my silence answer your care. And no matter what excuse I try to tell myself, deep down I know that was on me. I was the one who pushed you away.
Yes, I was hurting. Yes, my mind was a mess and I felt like I was constantly sinking. But even with all of that, I should have seen who was standing by me. I should have held on to you, not run from you. But instead I shut everyone out. I let a few bad experiences convince me that everyone was going to leave or hurt me, so I left first. Even when you were trying to help. Even when you were trying to stay.
And now? Now it’s too late. Yll re not here anymore. . I never will. I just hate myself for not doing better when I had the chance. I think about it a lot. The messages I never replied to. The moments I let pass without a single word. The way I made people who cared feel like they didn’t matter.
You did matter. You still do. Every single one of you who tried. I just didn’t know how to handle it. I didn’t know how to accept love without feeling like I was going to ruin it. And in the end, that’s exactly what I did.
I’m sorry. Truly. I know it doesn’t fix anything and I’m not expecting it to. I just needed to say it, finally. I was always the problem. I was. And I hope, wherever you are now, you’re doing better. I hope someone else didn’t waste the chance with you the way I did.
That’s all. ----- Aabhii
You didn’t have to do what you did. You didn’t owe me anything, but still, you all cared. Even when I changed my name and tried to disappear, some of you still looked for me. That says everything about who you were. And what did I do? I ignored you. I disappeared. I let my silence answer your care. And no matter what excuse I try to tell myself, deep down I know that was on me. I was the one who pushed you away.
Yes, I was hurting. Yes, my mind was a mess and I felt like I was constantly sinking. But even with all of that, I should have seen who was standing by me. I should have held on to you, not run from you. But instead I shut everyone out. I let a few bad experiences convince me that everyone was going to leave or hurt me, so I left first. Even when you were trying to help. Even when you were trying to stay.
And now? Now it’s too late. Yll re not here anymore. . I never will. I just hate myself for not doing better when I had the chance. I think about it a lot. The messages I never replied to. The moments I let pass without a single word. The way I made people who cared feel like they didn’t matter.
You did matter. You still do. Every single one of you who tried. I just didn’t know how to handle it. I didn’t know how to accept love without feeling like I was going to ruin it. And in the end, that’s exactly what I did.
I’m sorry. Truly. I know it doesn’t fix anything and I’m not expecting it to. I just needed to say it, finally. I was always the problem. I was. And I hope, wherever you are now, you’re doing better. I hope someone else didn’t waste the chance with you the way I did.
That’s all. ----- Aabhii
