One Minute To The Next

[Billy]

I don't always know how I'm going to be feeling from one minute to the next. It's been a long time till I've known or understood my own true feelings, in a sense I've got pretty good at hiding behind a mask. In my early 20s when I was asked the age-old question "Are you ok?" or "How are you?" and I would simply answer I'm fine. When in actual fact I was nowhere near fine, I was angry, I was frustrated and incredibly confused as to why things weren't going the way they should be. I was constantly arguing with my father because he didn't understand why I wasn't having any luck getting work when I couldn't understand it either. I decided in my late 20s I wasn't going to lie about my feelings anymore, that if anyone asked me those age-old questions I would reply I'm ok, or I'm as ok as can be.

Yes I have some family around me, yet I continuously feel all alone, Yes I can go out and socialise with people, yet I continuously feel all alone. It's weird and confusing, I don't understand it, it leaves me thinking constantly where did I go wrong, what did I do wrong to feel this lonely?

In short, these are the cards I've been dealt through my life, is this the way it's supposed to be? I don't the answer because the negative answers are always at the forefront of my mind. I've slowly started to accept that it is as it is, and that the mask I'm wearing will continue to be a permanent fixture from One Minute To The Next