Helloooo, bad guys!!
Have you ever wondered that you might be a psychopath?
I wonder all the time and my friends think that I am a psychopath too. Let me share a few things from my life that made me think that I might be a psychopath.
Early kiddo years:
1)I murdered, up to 50 dragonflies on one noon and I decapitated them and dismantled their legs while inflicting pain on them. I actually enjoyed it.
2)I once caught a yellow-spotted millipede and put it in a small glass bottle and filled it with water then buried it. I couldn't find the bottle the next day, maybe I forgot where I buried it exactly. Poor millipede must have died of asphyxiation.
3)I caught so many insects and threw them in the scorching heat from the sun. They died of that heat, they suffered a lot before dying.
4)I caught a lot of caterpillars and poured hot candle wax on them. I made them suffer.
5)I once threw a brick at a boy as he didn't behave well with me. It got him 11 stitches on his head (not so sure about the number).
6)I once fed Cannonball tree leaves to some kid. For those who don't know, eating them will cause intense irritation in your mouth. The guy cried a lot. I enjoyed it.
7)I used to steal money from my house and spent it on toys and sweets. I never took responsibility for that.
Early teenage years:
8)I never cared about people's emotions as they never cared for mine. For them, I was just a topper and a bookworm. Mostly I lived the life of an outcast (part of it is self-imposed)
9)When I was a teenager someone from my family died and everyone was crying. So I too cried, not because I was in pain but because I didn't want to look odd. And I held the dead body's feet while they were taking it away, people thought I was in so much pain and I loved this person so much but that was an act (not proud of it though but I didn't know what to do, later I fell in love with someone special who triggered my emotional development).
10)I said rude things to people, even hit a few people. I used to fight a lot with others.
At present:
11)When I love someone I want them to be mine, if that is not happening I sometimes think of destroying them, killing them, I abuse them in my mind but in the end, I always want them to be happy though. Whomever they are with and wherever they are I want them to be happy and I cry a lot over my past. I remember the people I lost every day before sleeping.
12)I don't usually go out with others, I hardly hang out with anyone since childhood. I mostly get lost in my own thoughts, some thoughts are pleasant and some thoughts are destructive.
13)I think of worse things sometimes, like murdering someone who hurt me and discarding the evidence, I do that out of pure rage. I can kill, I know the procedure but I don't want to murder anyone as I believe that I am worthless and every life form is better, important, and worthier than my own self. I have inferiority complex yet I try to heal people with the inferiority complex. I believe that by healing others people can heal themselves. I try to empathize a lot.
14)I speak to immobile things like they are a living person. I even speak to animals. I am doing it since childhood. I speak to walls, mobile phones, pens, dogs, ants, and house flies. I can talk to anything. Last night I had a talk with my ceiling fan.
15)I stopped killing bugs, I don't even kill mosquitoes anymore.
16)I believe that my soul is beyond redemption, that God hates me (Hey big guy from heavens, if you are reading this, can you please call me? I would be glad to hear from you).
17)I get anger outbursts and I believe that I am unworthy of love from anyone so I push people away. Because I believe that I am a monster that needs to be put away. So I push them away to save them from me. I believe I don't deserve anything, that I am not good enough (that is Imposter Syndrome by the way).
18)I constantly worry that I might hurt somebody or do something bad. Most people think that my thoughts are extreme and my actions are overactions. Maybe people are right.
Maybe I am a psychopath, or maybe I will become one at some point in the future. Who knows? What are the chances?
Am I a psychopath?
PS: Wow! You survived my post, that is an achievement
Have you ever wondered that you might be a psychopath?
I wonder all the time and my friends think that I am a psychopath too. Let me share a few things from my life that made me think that I might be a psychopath.
Early kiddo years:
1)I murdered, up to 50 dragonflies on one noon and I decapitated them and dismantled their legs while inflicting pain on them. I actually enjoyed it.
2)I once caught a yellow-spotted millipede and put it in a small glass bottle and filled it with water then buried it. I couldn't find the bottle the next day, maybe I forgot where I buried it exactly. Poor millipede must have died of asphyxiation.
3)I caught so many insects and threw them in the scorching heat from the sun. They died of that heat, they suffered a lot before dying.
4)I caught a lot of caterpillars and poured hot candle wax on them. I made them suffer.
5)I once threw a brick at a boy as he didn't behave well with me. It got him 11 stitches on his head (not so sure about the number).
6)I once fed Cannonball tree leaves to some kid. For those who don't know, eating them will cause intense irritation in your mouth. The guy cried a lot. I enjoyed it.
7)I used to steal money from my house and spent it on toys and sweets. I never took responsibility for that.
Early teenage years:
8)I never cared about people's emotions as they never cared for mine. For them, I was just a topper and a bookworm. Mostly I lived the life of an outcast (part of it is self-imposed)
9)When I was a teenager someone from my family died and everyone was crying. So I too cried, not because I was in pain but because I didn't want to look odd. And I held the dead body's feet while they were taking it away, people thought I was in so much pain and I loved this person so much but that was an act (not proud of it though but I didn't know what to do, later I fell in love with someone special who triggered my emotional development).
10)I said rude things to people, even hit a few people. I used to fight a lot with others.
At present:
11)When I love someone I want them to be mine, if that is not happening I sometimes think of destroying them, killing them, I abuse them in my mind but in the end, I always want them to be happy though. Whomever they are with and wherever they are I want them to be happy and I cry a lot over my past. I remember the people I lost every day before sleeping.
12)I don't usually go out with others, I hardly hang out with anyone since childhood. I mostly get lost in my own thoughts, some thoughts are pleasant and some thoughts are destructive.
13)I think of worse things sometimes, like murdering someone who hurt me and discarding the evidence, I do that out of pure rage. I can kill, I know the procedure but I don't want to murder anyone as I believe that I am worthless and every life form is better, important, and worthier than my own self. I have inferiority complex yet I try to heal people with the inferiority complex. I believe that by healing others people can heal themselves. I try to empathize a lot.
14)I speak to immobile things like they are a living person. I even speak to animals. I am doing it since childhood. I speak to walls, mobile phones, pens, dogs, ants, and house flies. I can talk to anything. Last night I had a talk with my ceiling fan.
15)I stopped killing bugs, I don't even kill mosquitoes anymore.
16)I believe that my soul is beyond redemption, that God hates me (Hey big guy from heavens, if you are reading this, can you please call me? I would be glad to hear from you).
17)I get anger outbursts and I believe that I am unworthy of love from anyone so I push people away. Because I believe that I am a monster that needs to be put away. So I push them away to save them from me. I believe I don't deserve anything, that I am not good enough (that is Imposter Syndrome by the way).
18)I constantly worry that I might hurt somebody or do something bad. Most people think that my thoughts are extreme and my actions are overactions. Maybe people are right.
Maybe I am a psychopath, or maybe I will become one at some point in the future. Who knows? What are the chances?
Am I a psychopath?
PS: Wow! You survived my post, that is an achievement
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