Jaanuu
Favoured Frenzy
Part 03 : Embers:- those who burned but never truly left 
(Disclaimer: This is a personal piece. A collection of reflections, apologies, gratitude, and the quiet echoes of what once was. If you find yourself here, as a name, a memory, or even just a passing thought, please read it with gentleness. Nothing written is meant to accuse, glorify, or reopen closed wounds. These are just fragments from my Zozo life, real, raw, maybe flawed, but honest.
If I’ve misunderstood or misrepresented anything, I’m sorry. This is just how I remembered it, how I felt it. And that too, like everything else, is temporary.)
So here I am, beginning the next chapter with @Nightwing , a bridge between the previous part and this one. What we had was hard to define. More than a close friend, not quite a lover, he was something beyond both.
He saw value in me far greater than I felt I deserved. I know deserve might be the wrong word, but still he gave too much, cared too deeply, and I couldn’t return it in the way he did.
And, once again, it was me who pulled away. I ignored the love, the care, the quiet efforts. I don’t know why I became that way, maybe distant, maybe strange, but just because I stepped back doesn’t mean you vanished from my mind. I remember the memories. I don’t regret them. But I do feel sorry for you.
What can I say? I’m like this. Miserably.
Thank you for being there. And I’m sorry for everything. I truly mean that.
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The next is someone… special. Maybe the most memorable one. @Alessandro . He came to me first under the name Sathan, and that’s what I called him, lovingly or ironically, I’m still not sure. When I joined this space, I believed I could easily get close to people, that companionship was just a conversation away. But he shattered that illusion.
We never became close. Even when I tried multiple times it never worked. He had a different vibe, a separate rhythm. Our wavelengths just didn’t match. I even thought he was blind to my presence, to my nickname, to me. I know, that was my immaturity talking.
Still, I had this soft spot for him. A pull. Eventually, I called it a crush.
But ironically, the most memorable moments with him weren’t sweet, they were chaotic, even violent in an emotional sense.
Our story was a cycle: Strangers - Failed friend attempts - Judgements - Fights - Hurt - Silence - Apologies - Crush - Almost lovers - Distance - Strangers again.
At one point, I judged him harshly, unfairly. I listened to gossip, to “പരദൂഷണങ്ങൽ” without knowing the full story. I even wrote a long post that dehumanized him. I regret that deeply. It was immature, unnecessary, and cruel. But still one thing he did in return still haunts me. A part of me hasn’t forgiven him for that.
Eventually, we talked. Cleared the air. Tried to understand each other. And though I once called it love, and we even acted like lovers for a while, I understood something later, what I felt for him didn’t belong to any textbook emotion. It was its own strange shape.
We drifted again. Not as strangers, not quite as friends. Something in between. But that cycle? That taught me more than most things ever did. And I don’t think I’ll ever forget it even if I forget everything else from here.
Thank you for being there. I like you. And I’m sorry for everything.
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The next is a side character in the story @Rukmini Arjun , she was like damn special and close to me later, we chatted, called, made each other calm, helped each other to be cool in the toughest times, I don't know if I did really helped her, but she helped me, again a remembering page of memories she is, can't really say a lot about you, only that I'm never gonna forget you and will root for you in every storms.
Thank you for being there, And I'm sorry if anything I made hurt you.
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There was a time when I felt completely alone melancholic, slipping into quiet depressions I couldn’t name. I needed someone. Not to fix anything, but just to sit with me in the silence, to calm the storms that gathered inside. And then he came, Monk.
He’s known by another name now @CASSIAN♥️ , but to me, he’ll always be Monk. That name felt like peace. It reminded me of the quiet grace monks carry the way their presence itself is enough to still the noise. I don’t know if he chose that name with that meaning in mind, but that’s what he became for me: a stillness I desperately needed.
In a place full of buzzing conversations and blurred boundaries, he stood out not louder, not more expressive but kinder and steadier. At some point, I did feel like a choice. But I never blamed him for that. I never hated him.
He used to ask me, “What do you think of me? Am I good?” And I always told him: To the way you’ve talked to me, held space for me, you are deeply good. Maybe I can’t love everyone, maybe I can’t even name how I feel about you, but I accept you. Entirely. Just as you are.
Thank you for being there. I’m sorry if I hurt you ever.
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I’ve always loved talking with those who can lead me into the world of words because a part of me has always lived there, nestled in poetry and wrapped in philosophical musings.
That’s how @ABHIMANYU came into my story. It was around 1 or 2 AM. That night felt different like a hidden page had turned in my life. Though I had known of him for a long while, we’d never really spoken. But that night? That night felt like the right moment with the right person.
And then it happened again, more nights, not quite like the first, but close enough to carry the same warmth. Eventually, our conversations moved into the daylight, and with that, we grew closer.
But like many beautiful things, it faded. I’m not sure when or how, but we slowly drifted. The magic, once vivid in those early hours, dimmed. Though we did reconnect later, it was never quite the same.
Still, those nights… they remain etched in me, quiet, special, and unforgettable.
Thank you for everything. And I’m sorry if I ever hurt you.
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The final character in this part of memory is someone far more special than anyone else, @AaronLustt . When it comes to him, everyone else fades into the background. There’s something strangely beautiful about being a constant to someone especially in a place like this and he was that for me.
He stayed. He helped me in ways I can never fully repay, and for that, I owe him a quiet, heartfelt thank you.
He taught me that silence can be more eloquent than words, more intimate than touch. That a bond can grow roots even in stillness. He was unlike anyone I’ve ever met completely different. His presence made me calm.
Even now, in moments of quiet, I still find him there arms wide, steady and waiting..
"ഒത്തിരി ഒത്തിരി സ്നേഹം വിച്ചാ..."
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(Note: This isn’t the end, just another pause before the next flicker. To those who’ve read through all the parts until now, thank you. Thank you for lending me your time, your presence, and your quiet attention.I hope this journey didn’t bore you, but instead, stirred something still within. Happy reading,always.
To be continued...)
With love,
Jaanu
