Jaanuu
Favoured Frenzy
Part 01 - Echoes :- The ones I once knew! 
(Disclaimer: This is going to be a very long post. This is a series of memories and gratitude dedicated to some people from here. It’ll be in both English and Malayalam at times. The list is long, and if I miss someone, please don’t feel bad. I had written and posted something similar a while back, but later, after a phase of realization, I dismissed it as just another emotional drama, because as the place suggests, it was all temporary. But still, these memories stayed with me. So yeah, some things might feel repetitive, dramatic, or even a bit intense. Ignore me if I unknowingly hurt you. Skip this thread if you're not into such stuff.)
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When I think about my Zozo journey, the name that always echoes in my mind is @Shyam , the simham of our very own Kerala room. He was the lion back then when I met him, and he still is. It was me who changed in the cycle of life.
But I won’t place all the blame on myself for the communication breakdown or the shift in our connection. It was mutual, I believe. Still, there are no regrets. I’m not holding on to longing or missing him anymore. He simply exists now in the pages of memory I carried from here.
It was poetic, I’d say.
“കവിതകളായിരുന്നു ആ ഓർമ്മകൾ,
ഇന്നും വള്ളി പടര്പ്പ് പോലെ
ആ അരയാലിനെ ചുറ്റപ്പെട്ട കവിതകൾ!”
Thank you, Shyam, for the Zozo memories. Lovely, unforgettable, hard, and in the end… painful.
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There was a time when people questioned me about him, said they hated him. But I always replied, "He’s one of the purest souls I’ve ever met here." What he shows on the outside isn’t who he truly is, at least, not the version I knew. He’s a sweet, caring soul, and that’s a rarity in Zozo.
We shared many good moments, funny stuff, crazy chats, and that kind of comfort that makes you forget your own problems for a while. He helped me through a lot. His jovial, cool nature had this silent power to shift my mood, to heal me without even knowing he did.
But @Prithvi Menon , sometimes you became toxic too. Some of your words had sharp edges, and they hurt people. The truth is, not everyone’s in the same mood all the time. What feels like fun for one person could be a trigger for another.
So I’m not judging. I know I’m no one to point fingers. But I just wanted to say it, because you mattered. You still do.
Loving and caring for people the way you do is beautiful. But don’t lose yourself in the process. Preserve your own peace. Don’t try to become someone else’s peace by giving up your own.
I’m sorry if I hurt you in any way. You stood by me so many times. And then I was the one who slowly pulled away. Please don’t feel bad, it’s just the way I am. I’m sorry.
I really, really loved you.
Still do.
Thank you for being there.
And I’m sorry… for everything I couldn’t say right.
"അണ്ടിയില്ലാത്ത അണ്ടിദേവിന്,
എറെ സ്നേഹത്തോടെ
ഒരായിരം ഉമ്മ
ഫ്രം അണ്ടിയില്ലാത്ത ജാനു."
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The loveliest and sweetest memory I have with a female friend from here… is her.
People used to say we shared the same vibe. But those who really knew both of us would say, "You two are nothing alike." And that was true. We were different. So very different.
@Mastani was someone I didn’t even really know. Yet we chatted on the wall, messed around, talked nonsense, shared little chaos, created crazy memories. Moments that somehow became beautiful and soft to look back at.
She was, no exaggeration, the sweetest girl I met here. Not boasting, just truth.
No, I didn’t like everything. Nobody truly likes someone completely. We all just learn to accept each other. But yeah, there were moments when I couldn’t accept certain things from you. Maybe that was my immaturity.
I tend to pull people out of my life even when the smallest discomfort touches my mind. Sometimes it’s just my overthinking, acting alone. And yes, it’s made me lose a lot of gems. You were definitely one of them.
It was me who broke the thread between us. But still, I’m sorry - even though I don’t regret it. You were a pretty memory. One I won’t ever forget.
I loved you.
Thank you for being there.
And I’m sorry if I ever hurt you.
"എന്റെ സ്വീറ്റ് മസ്തു പിസ്ത "
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The one who stands beside all these memories… is him. @cheku04 , my brother. The one who was once so close to me. Truly, you were my brother. Not just in words, but in bond. So close that I don’t even know how to begin talking about you.
People have asked me, even confronted me, about cutting off contact with you. They told me you were deeply hurt. And I believe them. Because honestly, that was probably one of the worst things I’ve ever done.
I still don’t know where it went wrong. No idea where I got lost. What exactly happened between us? All I know is that in my heart, you still are my beloved brother. But the distance? I can’t explain it. And for that, I regret it deeply.
I know I hurt you. I know.
And I’m truly, truly sorry.
You were the one who remained when everyone else faded. You helped me through some of my hardest days. You loved me, unconditionally.
But what I did in return… I have no words for it. It’s unexplainable.
Yes, everything here is temporary. But what we had should not have been this fragile. Still, it broke. And I’ll always blame myself for that.
Even now, I could talk to you. Reach out.
But I don’t know why… I just can’t.
I’m sorry.
I still love you.
You’ll always be my lovely brother, always and forever.
"ചെകൂസേ..."
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Then there’s someone, or should I say, something. Tiny like a squirrel, always chill-chill, lol. You were a puzzle I never quite solved. Still remain one.
We weren’t really that close. You always seemed to keep some gentle distance, some invisible border drawn quietly around you. But still, you were one of the good friends I had from here.
The memories are a bit faded now. But that old group, Cheku, Aadi, Mastu... it wouldn’t have felt complete without you in it.
The romantic Adam John I met, lol.
I don’t know if you’ll ever come across this.
But I wanted to include you.
Because your presence… it counted.
"പക്ഷേ നീ ഇപ്പോഴും
എന്റെ ഇഗ്നോർ ലിസ്റ്റിലാണ്
അണ്ണാൻ കുഞ്ഞേ,
ഞഞ്ഞാഞാഞ്ഞ." ️
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Mithi or @Shivaani️ . She’s the next soul in this line of people I met in the old golden days. A sweet, lovely friend of mine.
The memories I shared with her? They stand right beside all the ones I’ve written above.
Full of laughter, wall madness, playful chaos.
It was all funny and silly and so beautiful back then.
I liked her, genuinely.
And I still believe she’s one of the sweetest souls I’ve come across here.
I like your kindness.
I love you.
A lot.
A lot.
"മിതി മോളെ... mmwahhhh "
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One of my old friends in Zozo… was him @Dr Love
Yes, I loved him back then. I definitely had a crush on him. But later, he became the reason I began to hate him. And I did hate him.
But somewhere along the way, I realized even that hate had no real meaning here. And after that, I didn’t feel hatred anymore. Not love, not even friendship. Just a clean cut from the pages of my memory.
It was sweet, I can admit that. But at the same time, it was sour. The kind of sour that lingers, no matter how many glasses of water you drink, or how many sweets you eat.
Maybe because I liked you and hated you with equal intensity. And that’s a strange kind of balance, one that leaves behind… emptiness.
You never hurt me directly. But you hurt my feelings. And that’s okay. I forget things easily anyway.
I’ve genuinely forgotten what you were to me,
what exactly we shared. But the memories, they still remain, even if faint, even if distant.
Thank you for being part of that chapter.
And I’m sorry if I hurt you in any way.
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Note:
The memories haven’t reached their end yet, this is just the first part. There’s more to come, more hearts to remember, more stories to spill.
To those who read all the way till here, thank you. I hope it didn’t feel like a waste of time.
At least I managed to type this much, fighting the laziness that’s been hugging me these days, lol.
See you in the next part. Kudos!
With love,
Jaanu.
