Sometimes, in the middle of everything…
The noise, the thoughts, the endless over thinking...
I pause for a moment and think about the person I used to be.
That carefree child.
The one who didn’t carry yesterday into today.
The one who didn’t sit and question every little change.
The one who didn’t feel the need to protect her heart from the world.
She was sooo light.
Her happiness wasn’t something she had to search for…
It just existed.
In small things... In random moments... In simple days that didn’t feel heavy to live.
She laughed without holding back.
She trusted without fear.
She slept without a mind full of unfinished thoughts.
And the most beautiful part?
She didn’t even realize how peaceful she was.
Now, I sit here as someone who has grown…
someone who understands more, feels more, notices more.
And sometimes, I wish I didn’t.
Because this version of me…
this “strong” version…
carries things that child never had to carry.
Unspoken emotions.
Silent disappointments.
Thoughts that don’t know when to stop.
I’ve learned how to stay quiet about pain.
I’ve learned how to smile even when my heart feels heavy.
I’ve learned how to keep going, even when I feel tired in ways I can’t explain.
And yes… ppl call that strength.
But no one talks about how lonely that strength can feel.
No one talks about how badly u sometimes want to put it all down…
and just be that carefree child again, even if it’s only for a moment.
I don’t miss the past itself.
I miss how I felt in it.
I miss the lightness.
I miss the ease.
I miss being someone who didn’t have to think this much just to feel okay.
And yet… Even after everything...
Even after all the changes... All the heaviness…
there’s still a small part of me that refuses to disappear.
That child.
She’s still there...
Not as loud, not as visible, not as free…
But still soft, still hopeful, still waiting...
Waiting for the day when life feels gentle again.
When my mind learns to rest.
When my heart doesn’t feel like it has to carry everything all the time.
Maybe I’ll never be her again…
Not in the same way.
But maybe… just maybe…
I’ll become someone who feels like her...
Not because life is easy...
But because I finally learned how to be at peace within it.
And I think…
That would be enough.
